


your words turn into love songs

by eloquencia



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 24,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27359953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eloquencia/pseuds/eloquencia
Summary: In between coffee orders, library dates and korean nicknames he doesn't know the meaning of, Renjun finds his mind filled with the sweetness and brightness of Na Jaemin.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 151
Collections: '00 FIC FEST ROUND TWO





	1. fever dream

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to prompt #0017 for the '00 FIC FEST: ROUND TWO!
> 
> this is my first time writing a fic and english is not my first language so i apogolize for any mistakes!
> 
> writing this was a real challenge and i wouldn't be able to so if i didn't have my writing partner, best friend and love of my life by my side. thank you for convincing me to join this fest and for being this work's biggest supporter. i love you and i'm looking forward to many more adventures by your side!
> 
> i also want to thank my beta reader, the other side of my invisible string, who listened to my ideas, gave me some of their own and helped me whenever i freaked out. this work would be nowhere near finished without you, i love you!
> 
> thank you also to admin bom for the amazing fest and to the prompter who made this work possible! 
> 
> to you, who's reading this right now, happy reading!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun didn’t quite understand why his heart kept insisting on doing weird things whenever Jaemin was around or why his palms were sweating more than usual. He tried to calm himself down, but the pink haired boy’s smile, his way of talking, his presence, were enough to make Renjun’s heart skip a beat. Sometimes, even while only thinking of Jaemin, his body would betray him and react as if he was on a rollercoaster, rushing with adrenaline. His mind tried to warn him, reminding himself of what that meant in books or movies, but Renjun didn’t have the energy to deal with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of anxiety and depression

"Passengers, we will be landing in the Chicago Airport in 15 minutes.” The pilot’s voice was loud and clear, although Renjun was listening to music on his phone in a volume that probably wasn’t so good for his ears.  _ "Please, fasten your seatbelts and make sure your folding trays and seats are in the upright position". _

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Renjun took off his earphones and adjusted his seat. His legs were sore after such a long flight. Despite the meals served throughout the flight, he felt his stomach longing for  _ real  _ food. To complete the amazing combo of such a long trip, his nose was kind of dry and his back  _ really _ hurt. He didn’t want to go near an airplane anytime soon. He stared beyond the window next to his seat and saw the big city of Chicago with its many buildings, getting closer and closer, the city which would become his home for the next few years. 

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He had done some research before his travel, as a way to get used to it before moving. He looked through pictures and travel vlogs about the city. As much as he used to say he wasn’t a fan of the United States, Chicago seemed like a really beautiful city: full of green areas and surrounded by a huge river. He supposed he could get used to it and maybe, in the future, start calling it home.

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Most importantly, he searched about Chicago University, a place he would spend quite some time in the future since he would study and live there. It occupied a huge area and it looked like some sort of castle, with many green areas full of trees around it. Something like a city inside of another city. Seeing pictures from when it was Winter, he thought it could be the scenery of some movie. Unlike his own birth town, which looked always grey and lifeless, the pictures always illustrated Chicago as somewhere dazzling with life and light. 

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Growing up in Jilin, it was hard for him to really feel like home. The house he lived in ever since he was only a baby was too big considering that he was by himself most of the time. It looked straight up from a decor magazine, filled with neutral colors and pictures where his family looked like they were posing for a business catalogue, no hints of a true home. During meals, he often was faced with empty chairs on a huge table and in the living room, his only company were the people on the programs he watched on TV. 

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The people hired to work in the house, such as the housekeeper, the cook and the gardener tried their best to make him feel less lonely. However, they couldn’t fulfill his parent’s presence, which made Renjun spend more and more time in his room, surrounded by books and, later on, by his art. It was how he drifted his mind away from how his parents weren’t there and how he didn’t have friends at all. Their parents were very skeptical and overly protective over meeting new people, Renjun had to make a lot of effort whenever he wanted to go over to a friends house or watch a movie, which made him give up as time went by and grow even more lonely. 

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He brushed off these thoughts, feeling quite excited to meet the place in person, especially knowing that after landing there should be a driver waiting for him to get him there. Renjun tried to tell his parents he’d be just fine on his own but they insisted on having at least someone to be there whenever he needed. Ever since he was a child, his parents made sure to never leave Renjun alone, they were always scared something bad would happen. As he grew up, he managed to reassure them he would be just fine without a bodyguard or a driver but sometimes, they still won in this topic. He wasn’t planning on bothering the hired driver much, only in extreme cases. He wanted to discover things on his own and, if he was lucky enough, with new-made friends.

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After the plane finally landed, he took his handbag and went to get his luggage. Although he was moving his entire life to another country, his baggage didn’t consist of much, only his favorite clothes and objects he wanted to go with him such as his painting materials, some books, his CD collection and his computer. He went through Immigration and after going out with no problems, he saw someone holding a sign with his name. The person holding it was a man taller and bigger than him, wearing a black suit.

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He guessed he was the driver had hired, but could as well be a bodyguard. Renjun walked towards him, with a small nice-to-meet-you smile.

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“Hi! I’m Huang Renjun.”

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“Hello, sir. Welcome to Chicago.” The man had a gentle smile, and seemed like a genuinely nice guy. Renjun could easily imagine himself being friends with him. “My name is Robert, but you can call me Rob if you want. Your father hired me to drive you around Chicago as you settle in.”

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“I figured. Well, I’ll try not to bother you so much, after all I should learn how to walk around by myself sooner or later.”

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Rob took his bags and guided him to where the car was parked. He didn’t bother to tell him where they should go since Rob probably already knew ,  so he trusted the driver to guide him, taking the time to look around his surroundings. He had never been to Chicago before, only when a child, but the airport was pretty much like all the other airports. The chilly air that came from the air conditioners filled the crowded corridors, full with people from all over the world walking around.

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After crossing what seemed like the entire airport, they finally reached outside. The AC air was left behind and the warmth of the city engulfed him. Rob guided him through the sidewalks until they reached the parking lot area, to a shiny black car. 

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Rob opened the door for him, letting him inside the car that smelled like new and maybe a hint of mint candy. He finally had the time to check his phone, so he texted his mom to let her know he was already in Chicago, and feeling tired after the flight so they could catch up later.

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He looked through the windows and it had started raining, as if a way to welcome him into the city, making everything greyer, reminding him of his own home. Though, differently from Jilin, Chicago’s grey looked alive and felt warm.

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He sighed as the car moved swiftly through huge buildings, remembering what had got himself there.

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_ It was one of the rare days his parents stayed home, and his father had summoned him to his office. “Summoned” was a great word to describe, for it was exactly what his dad had done, asking the housekeeper to find him. She gently said “Renjun, your father calls you to his office. Important business, as he says.” _

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_ Already at his dad’s office, the argument did not take long to start. _

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_ “Dad, I don’t want to be a lawyer and take over the family agency.” He said tired of having this discussion once again. “I don’t fit into this!” _

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_ “Renjun, this was my dream ever since you were born. You have talent to be a lawyer.”  _

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_Stoic as a statue, his father gazed at him. He hated when his father stared at him like that, like he was so sure Renjun would give in, so sure he’d just decide to stay quiet. His father’s presence was overpowering in many ways, but his piercing gaze, with his perfectly styled hair and tailored suit, and a lawyer’s tongue, always made him want_ _to hide in his mother’s arms and cry._

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_ “Exactly, dad! This is your dream, not mine. Can’t you understand?” Renjun looked at his mom to see if he was going to receive any support, but she didn’t meet his eyes, too busy staring at her own heels. His dad sighed deeply. “I already told you! My dream is to study History.” _

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_ Renjun stopped himself from sighing as well. _

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_ It wasn’t the first time they had this kind of argument. It happened every time Renjun mentioned he wasn’t even slightly interested in following his dad’s career. Most of the time, the discussion only ceased after Renjun said he was tired, and that he should go to his room. It was his way to avoid any more stress, not only for him but also for his mother, who got really upset at how the atmosphere in the house shifted whenever this subject came into a conversation.  _

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_ Renjun took a long time to decide what he wanted to do with his life. He figured it would be related to painting, he even considered fulfilling his father’s wish and studying Law. However, as he entered high school, he discovered a new fondness for History. He felt fireworks speckles in his chest whenever he discovered a new fact upon reading books. He started dreaming about giving classes just like his favorite teachers or making important discoveries from the past. History made its way into his heart and became his dream.  _

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_ He would never forget the disappointment on his father’s face when he first told his parents. But being so tired of never receiving approval on what he did, the years of being left alone in the house, his love for History and the will for proving to his parents he could be happy and successful with what he chose to study, the look his dad gave him only made Renjun want to fight for his dream. He faltered as the arguments with his dad happened often and he could feel them growing apart but somehow, History always made that sparkle inside of him shine again.  _

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_ But, this time, to Renjun’s surprise, his father seemed to have finally given in.  _

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_“Fine. I’ll let you study History.” His father’s voice made him sound exhausted._ _Renjun couldn’t even believe what he was hearing. He thought it would end like all the other discussions._ _One of them would get tired and they would go to their own rooms with the excuse of coming back to the matter later. It was usually Renjun. His father, with a suddenly softened look and slumped shoulders, massaged his temples before looking up again._ _“But under one condition.”_

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_Upon hearing this, Renjun had to fight back an instant smile. He felt like he was on a roller coaster. His heart beating fast and the numbness of not knowing how to react. The shock and excitement took over his body._ _Renjun would agree to any condition if it meant he could study something he was actually interested in._

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_ “You’ll have to study it in the United States.” His dad said, resolutely. “Your mother’s side of the family lives there and, eventually, if you had chosen to study law, I’d have sent you there. The only difference is I’m sending you sooner.” _

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_ The sudden rush of adrenaline made the question leave his mouth before he could even think twice: “But why? I don’t understand the difference between studying here and there. Besides, I’m not a huge fan of the United States.” Renjun immediately cursed himself in his head, afraid of ruining his newborn chances of following his dreams. _

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_ “Don’t say that, your mother is from there. You learned English as you grew up, you won’t have trouble settling in. This is for your own good, student exchanges are every teenager’s wish.” _

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That day, Renjun had no choice but to agree to that condition if it meant he would study what he wanted, what made him want to fight. Despite not being the way he pictured, he even had his father’s approval. It was more than he would’ve expected. What made him question things was the fear of a new country. He was used to being alone but, deep down, he knew that in Jilin he had hired people in his house in case he needed something and sometimes, his parents were there. In Chicago, he would be by himself having to face a different language and culture.

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His family was half american half asian, so he grew up knowing and learning both English and Chinese. His parents met when his mother, just a teen back then, travelled to China as an exchange student, just like himself, who was about to live in Chicago. They fell in love quickly, as his mother liked to remember, and when the trip came to an end, his father asked her to marry him. She said yes. 

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His grandfather was the only person from his mother’s side of the family that still lived in Chicago, until he passed away a few years ago. As far as he knew, the remaining people in the USA were some distant relatives. Therefore, he was alone in a country he knew nothing of. 

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The ride from the airport to the Chicago University was about half-an-hour long, but it seemed faster as he distracted himself watching different people walking around with their umbrellas, a variety of restaurants and some funny looking stores he instantly found himself interested in visiting later on. 

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When they finally got close to the University, Renjun realized it was even more beautiful than what he had seen in pictures, leaving him breathless. The area seemed quite empty due to the rainy area, so he could only imagine how it would be when full of people. Since spring was near, flowers had started to bloom on some trees and the grass looked greener than any he had seen before. He caught himself smiling at the sight. 

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Back home, one of Renjun’s favorite places to hang out by himself was the garden. His mom loved flowers and, despite not being there to take care of them most of the time, she made sure her garden was always pretty. Renjun felt less lonely whenever he was there, the flowers keeping him company. Almost as if his mother was there with him.

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He was taken out of his thoughts by the sound of Rob’s voice.

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“Sir, I’ll park the car and then I’ll help you with your bags on the way to your dorm.” Renjun smiled softly at the sentence. He was glad his dad had hired someone as nice as Rob.

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“Thank you, Rob. I think I can go on my own, though. I only have one bag and it isn’t raining as much as before, it will be good for me to start getting used to the place.” 

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“Are you sure, sir?” 

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“Yes, Rob, don’t worry! Go home to rest, I’ll call you if I need anything.” He tried smiling reassuringly through the rearview mirror, what seemed to convince Rob, who soon after parked the car in front of what seemed like the University’s main entry and helped him take his bag out of the car while Renjun opened an umbrella. Rob also gave him a card with his number, which Renjun was quick to put inside his pocket.

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Rob bid farewell, and as soon as the car was out of sight, Renjun looked for his phone inside of his handbag, feeling relieved for having saved the map of the University the night before. His mother had answered him, saying she was glad he had arrived safely. 

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The moment he opened the map, he immediately regretted asking Rob to go. He forgot just how big the University was and having to walk around with his bag that, despite being only one, was quite big and heavy, in this weather all by himself wasn’t that brilliant of a choice. He sighed, accepting his reality and looked around trying to find where he was. Managing to recognize a statue, he discovered he was in front of a library. The dorm he was assigned to wasn’t as close from there as he hoped it would be, but maybe he could use a walk after all those hours sitting inside the plane. 

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He hadn’t walked around for much time when he saw a building he had seen many times in Google Maps: the History Department. It was really similar to the overall look of the university: huge with a castle-like appearance but the meaning of it in Renjun’s heart made it special. He couldn’t help smiling while looking at it, wondering how it would be to walk around the hallways when the classes started. He kept walking, the smile still dancing on his face. 

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After many wrong turns and mistakenly entering some random buildings, Renjun finally managed to get to his dorm building. It was oddly different from the rest of the University, the building was taller and had a modern-like appearance. As he entered, there was a small reception where an old lady sat reading a book. She seemed to notice someone was there because when he moved in her direction, she drifted her look from the book to him. 

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“Hello there!” She asked excitedly, probably noticing how lost Renjun looked, because the next thing she said was: “Are you new here?’

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“Hi, uh, yes, I am!” He tried to smile without seeming so nervous, but Renjun suspected he failed a little. “I’m a new student.” 

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“Just give me your ID, dear, then I’ll hand you the key to your room.” Renjun searched his handbag quickly and gave her his ID. After looking into it and typing for some time on her computer, she gave him a key with a keychain. “It’s on the second floor! Take the elevator on the right since you have quite a bag there. Welcome to Chicago University!” He thanked her, this time managing to smile sincerely. 

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Renjun entered the elevator and, although he was only headed to the second floor, the second he found himself being still, all the exhaustion from the long travel fell on his shoulders and he felt the urge to take a shower and rest. Not to mention the fact that his umbrella didn’t do a really good job in keeping him from being wet. He exited the elevator on the second floor and looked for room 216, the number on the keychain. Besides the tiredness, he felt excited. His heart skipped some beats as his head was filled with expectations about his room, his roommate and, mostly, about starting his college life. As he headed towards the dormroom, he noticed how empty the building seemed, probably because there was still a week left before the start of the semester. 

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While opening the door, he sighed in anxiety, flashes from his bedroom back in China coming to his mind. Despite being from a rich family, Renjun’s room wasn’t that big. He liked to think it was just the right size for him. His room was a place where he felt like home the most, with his books and painting materials, his sound box where he listened to his favorite songs, pictures of beautiful places he visited with his parents. His heart ached a little thinking of how long it would take for him to go back there. He shrugged these thoughts to the back of his mind and focused on the dorm he opened the door to. 

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It was a double bedroom, beds on each side with two tiny shelves on the walls for each of the sides. In the middle, there was a big desk and a window that showcased the stunning view of the rest of the University. At last, in front of each bed there was a two-door closet. 

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His roommate was probably at the University already, since one side of the room had already some decorations, like a Grease poster above the bed, and a collection of DVDs and portraits on top of the shelves. He also noticed a bag laying on the carpeted floor next to the bed. 

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After taking in the sight and leaving his shoes next to the door above a small little mat, which he supposed his roommate had put there for that purpose, Renjun put his luggage on top of his bed and started taking some things out. First, he arranged his books nicely in one of the shelves and, in the other, he tried to fit his painting materials and his CD collection.

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He tried to stay cool and focus on his organization but he couldn’t help but feel nervous about meeting the person who would share the room with him. Renjun wasn’t that good on matters of socializing due to being alone for most of his life.

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His parents suggested getting a single dorm room, or even renting an apartment next to the campus, however, he thought that if he was already going to another country, he might as well meet new people. He didn’t think of what that meant at the time but as he organized his things, he wondered how he’d be able to sleep next to someone, study with another person next to him when he was so used to being alone.

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Just as he was starting to take some of his clothes out to organize them inside his assigned closet, the door to the room opened, startling him and interrupting his train of thoughts. 

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A purple haired and golden skinned boy entered the room while looking at his phone, not even noticing Renjun was there. As the stranger took off his shoes without drifting his eyes away from the phone and not noticing there were another pair already there, Renjun took the moment to take a better look at him. He wore light washed jeans and some sort of orange and green tie-dye longed sleeved shirt, a key necklace hanging from his neck. 

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“Hi?” Renjun said, shyly. Despite the low volume of his voice, the boy heard him and looked up from his phone at him, surprised.

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“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there! You must be my new roommate!” He held out his hand while smiling in Renjun’s direction, who shook it gladly since the boy seemed like a nice person. “I’m Lee Donghyuck, cinema and media studies major.”

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His major explained the poster and the DVD collection on his side of the room.

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“I’m Huang Renjun, history major.” He smiled softly. Renjun’s eyes lingered to where Donghyuck had left his shoes, a silent questioning gaze falling from his eyes.

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“My mom’s side of the family is from Korea. If I don’t leave my shoes at the door, she’d definitely end my existence on this Earth.” Donghyuck sat on his bed, watching as Renjun transferred his clothes from the bag to the closet. “I was born there but we moved here when I started high school.”

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“I just arrived here today, I’ve lived in China my entire life.” Renjun explained. “My mom’s family is from here.” 

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“That’s nice! What are the odds of us having an asian-american roommate?” Donghyuck chuckled. “So, you’ve never been to Chicago before?”

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Unlike Renjun, Donghyuck seemed to be outgoing and friendly, talking seemed easy for him. The look on his roommate’s face screamed curiosity as he talked to Renjun. They were probably opposites and he wondered if they would work out well, but Renjun couldn’t help but be glad of having someone who seemed like a nice person as a roommate.

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“Only when I was little, I don’t remember much of it.” As far as Renjun was concerned, he went to Chicago with his family when he was around four years old. After that, his grandparents were the ones who travelled to China to visit him and his mother. His memories of Chicago were practically nonexistent. 

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“I can be your guide around the city, then!” Renjun couldn’t hide the excitement in his smile as he heard that. Since he had some trouble finding his way only in the University, he was scared of getting lost in a whole new city. Surely, he had Rob who could drive him around but he wanted to be able to do things by himself. 

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“Well, that’s very kind of you. Especially since I was already lost while looking for the dorm.” Donghyuck laughed at that. It seemed like he was going to say something as an answer to what Renjun said, when his phone rang. Renjun tried not to listen to the conversation and focus on his organization, but Donghyuck spoke quite loudly.

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“Jeno Lee! What is the reason behind your call?” His voice was playful and excited, which made Renjun conclude that Donghyuck was probably talking to a friend. The last thing on Renjun’s bag was his computer, which he placed carefully on the side of the desk that was next to his bed. “Sounds like a plan, can I invite my roommate? He just arrived today from China!” Renjun furrowed his eyebrows at the mention of himself, and Donghyuck that just smiled back at him. “See you, then.” 

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“Invite me where?” He wanted to wait for Donghyuck to explain first, but he couldn’t help his curiosity. 

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“Since the school cafeteria is closed ‘til the semester starts, my friend Jeno and I were planning to go eat somewhere. You are invited to come! Oh, we can even come up with our little asian-american club!” Donghyuck laughed out loud with the idea, already getting up. “I imagine you are tired from your trip, but it would be nice for us to get to know each other better, right?” Donghyuck seemed excited despite it being only a random dinner together, so Renjun couldn’t even think of saying no. 

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“Sure! I’ll just need to take a shower and change before we go since I probably stink after hours with the same clothes.” It wasn’t something Renjun would usually say to someone he just met but since they were going to live together, he supposed he could start trying to build a friendship with Donghyuck. 

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“It’s fine, take your time.” Donghyuck sat down again, fishing for his phone. “Jeno is still probably on his way to the university.”

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With that, Renjun grabbed some clothes from his freshly organized closet and headed to the shared bathroom, following Donghyuck’s directions. It was empty, something he was thankful for since he would need time to get used to sharing a bedroom with other people. As the hot water touched and warmed his body, he could finally feel the tiredness from the flight and the walk to the dorm. However, his hunger was bigger than that which was why he tried finishing his shower and changing fast so he could go eat with Donghyuck and his friend. 

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Coming back to the room, Renjun found Donghyuck with another boy, a black haired one that was wearing a colorful hoodie. He guessed the boy was Jeno. Donghyuck looked up when Renjun opened the door and he seemed excited to introduce them. 

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“So, Renjun, this is Jeno Lee. Jeno, this is Huang Renjun!” Jeno gave Renjun an eye smile and a shy wave of hand in his direction. 

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“It's nice to meet you, Jeno!” Jeno appeared to be on the shyer side just like Renjun himself so he figured he could try and pull a conversation starter. “What’s your major?”

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“Neuroscience! Donghyuck says I’m the nerd one out of us.” He said putting his hand on his nape. 

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“Aren't you though? Who even studies neuroscience?” The three of them laughed at Donghyuck’s remark, who continued “It’s better if we go now! Renjun have you grabbed everything?” 

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To that, Renjun dropped his bath stuff on the bed and grabbed his handbag that contained his phone and wallet. 

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“I’m ready to go!” 

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They walked around campus with Donghyuck leading them since he seemed to know his way around it. Renjun was surprised at how easy it was to talk to them considering they just met. Jeno and Donghyuck were talking enthusiastically to each other, while Renjun stayed mostly quiet. But then, after one and another try, he was able to talk a little more. They ended up sharing stories about their childhood but, most of the time, their walk was filled of Jeno pointing places he thought Renjun would like to know, like the library and the cafeteria, and Donghyuck not missing a chance to make comments which varied from funny stories to tips, like when the best to go to the library or his favorite menus on the cafeteria, and about that one time he walked around campus in his Care Bears pyjamas because he was late for a lecture. In-between conversation and laughter, they soon arrived at a McDonald’s. 

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“Are you serious, Donghyuck? It's Renjun’s first day in Chicago and we are taking him to a McDonald’s.” Jeno complained although they were already finding a table to sit.

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“Nothing tastes more like home than a good old Big Mac, Jeno! Renjun will agree with me on this one.” He winked towards Renjun, who just laughed and mumbled a quiet “I guess so.” 

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“I’m not arguing with you again. You’re packed with those nonsense replies, so I’m just going to order. Three Big Macs and Coke sound okay?” As Donghyuck and Renjun nodded, Jeno made his way towards the counter to order. 

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“So, Renjun,” Donghyuck turned towards him “what made you choose to study History?” 

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Hearing the question, Renjun felt his heart flutter at the thought of the major he had been dreaming of for years. 

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“It has always been my favorite subject at school, but when I entered high school and met amazing history teachers, they inspired me to teach as well.” Donghyuck smiled at the answer.

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“That's adorable. Really. I chose Cinema because I thought my ideas were too good to stay only in my head.” Renjun laughed at that. Donghyuck really was one of a kind. 

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When Jeno came back with their orders, they talked about their expectations about the semester. Renjun could feel his heart beating faster with anxiety and excitement to finally study something he loved. He was distracted by his thoughts and didn't notice Donghyuck and Jeno changed the subject.

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“What are you talking about? Sorry, I dozed off a bit.” 

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“It’s okay, we were just wondering about Jeno’s roommate. We don't know him yet.”

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“I hope he will be nice just like Renjun, you can't be the only lucky one.” Jeno said, taking a bite of his hamburguer.

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“We’ll just have to wait and see, dear Jeno!” Donghyuck said as he sipped his Coke and gently patted Jeno’s shoulders. 

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— ☀ —

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A week quickly passed while Renjun adapted into the Chicago life. Donghyuck helped him organize his side of the room and as they finished, Renjun stared at his books and art supplies on his shelves, and he was happy to realise it seemed like a nice place to call home. 

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Jeno’s roommate still wasn't in the campus so he stayed most of his time in Donghyuck and Renjun’s room. Throughout the week, the other two boys took Renjun to visit famous touristic places like the Chicago Bean and the Art Institute, days that filled his phone with pictures, and sometimes they just decided to stay at the dorms and binge-watch anime. 

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As they spent time together, Renjun couldn’t help but be fond of them and appreciate their friendship. They always made sure to fill him in stories and inside jokes, he never felt left out. Besides telling their own stories, they seemed interested in Renjun telling them his own tales, despite not having much due to spending much time alone. Having them by his side gave him what he longed for as he grew up: the feeling of comfort of sharing your time with someone, which his paintings, his mother’s flowers and his love for History weren’t enough to fulfill.

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One day before the official start of the semester, Donghyuck and Jeno had invited him to go catch a movie, but Renjun felt very tired, and that was a good and final day to rest, so he declined politely. When, after the other two had asked over and over and about a thousand times if Renjun would be fine on his own, they finally left, and he grabbed his phone and called his mother. 

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“Injun!” His mother’s voice sounded excited and Renjun felt his heart clutching for taking so long to call her. “I thought you were never going to call!" The sweetness of her voice reminded him of how, whenever she had time, she would spend most of the time by his side. Those moments were held dearly in his heart as they were rare. He already missed her. He wondered if that was how she felt whenever she had to go on business trips and leave him behind.

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__

“I’m sorry, mom, it's been a busy week. How are you?” He noticed how used he was to speaking English after only a week since, despite the smoothness on how his native language left his mouth, it felt weird saying things in Chinese. 

__

__

“Quit the small talk, love! Tell me, are you eating well? Did you make any friends? Are people treating you well? I can convince your father to bring you back if you want-” hearing how quickly and confidently his mother spoke, Renjun laughed out loud.  _ As if his father would allow him to study anything but Law in China. _

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__

“Everything’s fine, mom, you don't have to worry so much.”

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“I will always worry, you are my baby! I’m happy to know everything’s fine, do you like Chicago, honey?” Renjun didn't think so much of that as the days passed but Chicago was starting to grow a space in his heart.

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__

“I’m still getting used to it but I like it, mom.” He proceeded to answer all her questions about the places he visited. He briefly talked about Donghyuck and Jeno to her, assuring her they were nice and treating him well. He asked about how his dad was, not being able to help the slight disappointment on his voice as he thought of after a week, his father hadn’t even bothered to text him. His mother must’ve noticed because she quickly changed subjects, telling him about some new flowers she planned to grow in her garden.

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__

After a few minutes, he felt his eyes getting heavy and as much as he wanted to talk to his mom and feel the warmth and sweetness she brought to him with her voice, he knew he probably should get some sleep. “Mom, I'm feeling a little sleepy so I’m going to rest, okay? I promise to not take too long to call you again.” 

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“You better not take long! Take care, darling. I miss and love you.” 

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“I love you too, mom.” Hanging up the call, Renjun noticed he had been smiling the whole day.

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After putting his phone away, he laid back in his bed, facing the ceiling decorated with glow-in-the dark stars he had bought with Donghyuck a few days ago. He was now used to sleeping in a new bed. It wasn’t like the expensive mattress he had back in China but it was enough to make him have a nice night of sleep, which was all that mattered at the end of the day. He felt as if the exhaustion of the previous days he spent exploring the city with his friends had built up to that moment since, despite not doing much throughout the day, he still felt tired. 

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However, the tiredness wasn’t enough to make him wonder what his first day at college would be like. He was a little scared of what waited for him. He had Donghyuck and Jeno’s company for the past few days but within his department, he’d be on his own. Renjun closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down to avoid being anxious. Breathing in and breathing out, he tried to convince himself it would all be okay, and before he realized, he calmed himself enough to the point of falling asleep. 

__

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— ☀ —

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Renjun woke up the next day to the sound of Donghyuck humming to some random song and trying on different clothes. He had a nice night of sleep, surprisingly, dreaming of his mom, his home and the newly made memories with Jeno and Donghyuck. As his brain started processing things, he realized it was the first day of the semester. The usual calmness he felt upon waking up was slowly making way for a nervous feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. 

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“What time is it?” Renjun said sitting on the bed lazily and running his hand through his hair.

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“Eight something. Don't worry, you’re not late. You slept a lot though.” He shifted his look to Renjun for a second before coming back to his clothes. “Did you even eat anything after me and Jeno left?”

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“No, I only talked to my mom and then fell asleep, I guess I was  _ really _ tired.” Renjun managed to get out of bed, opening his own closet and having no idea as to what he would wear. He normally didn't pay much mind to things like this but he wanted to cause a good first impression. 

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Renjun made a quick decision. 

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“Donghyuck, can you help me choose something to wear today?” Renjun swears he could hear the excitement that clicked inside his roommate’s head after asking the question. 

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“Of course!” Donghyuck smiled widely. “Let me just finish getting ready. Meanwhile, you can brush your teeth and take a shower.”

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Renjun followed Donghyuck’s advice and went to the bathroom quietly.

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The bathroom was located at the end of the second floor’s corridor. It was surprisingly big, with lockers to keep your belongings while you showered, regular stalls and a section just for showering. Renjun found himself impressed at how clean it was but he supposed it was probably because they were still at the beginning of the semester. 

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It had been a week but Renjun still wasn’t used to using a shared bathroom. Of all the different things he was experiencing, sharing a bathroom was the only thing he’d change without batting an eye. While he showered he couldn’t help but wonder if his belongings were really safe or what he would do if someone entered while he was in the middle of a silent Lemonade Mouth performance. That day, those usual thoughts were accompanied by the anxiety he felt crumbling inside of him. 

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As the hot water hit his back, he realized he didn’t know what to expect.  _ Would he really like his major? He hoped his colleagues were friendly. What if he got lost?  _ He couldn’t just call Donghyuck or Jeno since they would be in their own classes. Renjun would have to count on himself only. That train of thoughts always made him want to pretend he was sick so he would have an excuse to stay inside his room but he knew he would have to face the thrilling challenge of a first day sooner or later. 

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He realized he was already way too long inside the bathroom and made sure to finish it quickly so he wouldn’t be late.

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As he went back to their room, he found Donghyuck waiting as he looked through his phone. Donghyuck’s eyes went up to Renjun's face as he entered.

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“Before we start getting you ready, do I look good?” He said as he stood up in front of Renjun who just now got a better look at his friend. Donghyuck’s outfit consisted in white pants and a baby pink sweater, he also wore pink eyeshadow with some glitter and, despite being simple, Renjun knew nobody would pull it off better.

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“You look amazing, Hyuck. You always do!” Renjun added, his voice a little soft. “That's why I asked you to help me.” 

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“Thank you for feeding my ego! Now let's go through your clothes.” Donghyuck opened Renjun’s closet after opening an excited little smile, and didn’t move an inch as he looked carefully at the mostly neutral toned outfits Renjun owned. He looked really focused. “Okay, whenever we have time, we will have to add some colors to your wardrobe! For now let's work with what we have….” He pulled some things from the closet and displayed them in Renjun’s bed, almost too easily coming up with three different combinations. “Now, go on. You choose.”

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After staring at the outfits for a few minutes, Renjun ended up in regular black jeans, a white turtleneck and grey overcoat. He praised Donghyuck in his head as he looked in the mirror they had bought for their room and realized he looked better than ever. 

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__

He usually didn’t pay much attention to his clothes, always looking for something that would be comfortable and didn’t draw much attention. His image in the mirror, however, made him understand when people said “clothes make you a different person”. Renjun felt confident, the outfit made him look like someone who knew what they were doing and wasn’t nervous about starting a new semester. He would try his best to convey what the clothes expressed .

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“Thank you, Hyuck. What would I ever do without you?” Donghyuck laughed at that while grabbing his bag. 

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“You’d probably have a mental breakdown while trying to choose something. I’m heading towards my department’s building. Do you want to walk together since yours is close to mine?”

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“Thank you, Hyuck, but I have some time to spare. I think I’ll get coffee before going.” 

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“Okay! Text me later so we can have lunch together with Jeno! Have a nice first day.” He blew a kiss to Renjun and closed the door. 

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__

Renjun sat on his bed and texted his mom, letting her know that he would probably be busy during the day but would try and call her at night. He started organizing his backpack, grabbing a notebook, his pencil case, earphones, wallet and a bottle of water. He started feeling a little anxious once again about the first day, meeting new people and walking around without the calming company of Donghyuck and Jeno. But, as his mom answered him with a  _ “Good luck, darling! I’m always proud of you” _ he at least found the confidence to walk out the room and make his way to a coffee shop. 

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__

‘ _ Top of The Mug _ ’ was a coffee shop Renjun had discovered a few days ago when he was going for a walk with Jeno while Donghyuck decided to stay at their dorm watching an online concert from some korean pop girl group named after a cake, making sure to tell Renjun he would introduce him to the “amazing world of K-Pop”. Renjun liked the place because it was different from most coffee shops he frequented, it shifted from the usual brown tones to something cleaner, with mostly white and green, which included  _ lots  _ of plants. 

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He went to stand in the line in front of the counter, not paying much attention to his surroundings as he answered Donghyuck’s texts about another asian-american he met on his major’s opening presentation, making fun of him because it seemed like he was collecting them. As Donghyuck was once again busy going into his class, Renjun looked up and realized it was almost his time to order, there was only a pink haired guy in front of him. 

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“Good morning!” Renjun was, just like the cashier, surprised at the excitement on the guy’s voice, considering how early it was. “I’d like a venti iced americano with 4 extra espresso shots.” Although Renjun wasn’t exactly an expert on coffee, he knew that such an order couldn’t be healthy and, by the look on the cashier’s face, he was right about that. He could see the boy leaving the shop vibrating like a cellphone after that amount of coffee. 

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The girl behind the counter quietly wrote the pink haired boy’s order and then passed the order to a boy who prepared the drinks while the probably insane guy sat on a table waiting for his drink. Renjun observed him, noticing he was also nervous for the start of the semester since his legs trembled a little and he stared anxiously at his cellphone. He had full brown eyebrows which were furrowed as he quickly typed something. Sometimes, the corners of his mouth rose but it didn’t take long for the almost smile to be replaced by that nervous look Renjun recognized since it was something he often faced in the mirror.

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Renjun had to stop his quick scan at the boy because it was his time to order, and he opted for a caramel frappuccino. He sat on a table and took his notebook out of the bag, deciding to sketch a little while he waited for his order. He had not even opened the notebook before receiving a call from Rob, the driver his father had hired.

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“Hello, Mr. Huang. Your father told me today is the first day of the semester. Is there anything I can help you with?” Of course his father knew but wouldn’t even wish him a good first day. Renjun just sighed.

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“Hi, Rob. Thank you but it’s fine, I’m already on my way.” 

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__

“Okay, then. You can call me whenever needed, have a good day, Mr. Huang.” He quickly thanked Rob and hung up the call, already hearing his name being called, his order ready to go.

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__

He left the coffee shop, realizing he would probably need to walk faster to arrive on time for the opening class of his major. He walked a little, step after step, retracing his way to his building. But then, a bike parked in front of him, suddenly. The pink haired boy.

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“You forgot this back there, on the table.” The pink haired boy said, Renjun’s notebook in his hand. And then, Renjun took a better look at him. He wore a white shirt with denim pants, a leather jacket over his shoulders.

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His eyes were a dark brown with glimpses of a honey color, the beautiful combination was emphasized by light makeup with hints of glitter. His skin looked soft and Renjun wondered how it’d feel to caress it (a thought he was quick to brush off). He could easily be a main lead in some drama. He was pretty, Renjun concluded. His features were delicate, the silky pink hair only making him look better. 

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“Thank you.” Renjun took his notebook, putting it inside his bag. As he looked up, he saw the pink haired boy offering him a dazzling smile. Renjun tried not to, but he blushed a little, looking down.

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“You’re welcome! See you around,  _ gwiyeomdoongi _ .” Renjun didn’t know what the last word meant, he only hoped it wasn't something bad. He didn’t have time to ask about that and what the boy’s name was because he had already left in his bike, leaving only a blurred pink stain blended in the view.

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Renjun kept walking until he arrived at the building he saw many times on Google Maps and at his very first day in Chicago, the History Department. It was definitely way more crowded than it was back on the first day. He didn’t even know where to go first and, when he looked around, he noticed that there were people who looked just as lost as him. 

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“Hi! Are you a freshman?” A brown haired boy approached Renjun with a smile on his face, he seemed to be just a little older, more confident than himself. “My name’s Kun, I’m your senior! You look a little lost, I suppose you’re new here. Do you need help with something?” Renjun couldn’t help but smile back and feel relieved as someone offered to help him. 

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“Nice to meet you, Kun, I’m Renjun. I need to get to the opening class but I have no idea as to where it is.” 

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“No problem, I’ll take you there!” As he followed Kun, he noticed some other people who looked like seniors helping other lost freshmen. Kun seemed excited and he looked like he belonged there, his chin up confidently. Renjun wondered if someone would think the same of him someday as he walked side by side with his senior. 

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__

For now, he could only spare curious glances at all the different people who walked fastly around the large corridors. The walls were filled with flyers for extracurricular activities, after school clubs and lectures with important people for the History area. Excitement filled Renjun and he couldn’t wait to explore it all.

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“Are you from around here, Renjun?” Kun asked while Renjun tried to take it all in, his voice calm and soft. 

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“I’m from Jilin. China. Arrived just last week.” By putting it into words, Renjun noticed how it seemed like ages ago the day he had arrived at Chicago. He was now so used to the city and its shenanigans it was weird to think he was there for only a week. It was as if the life and warmth of Chicago had already made its home in him.

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“I’m from China as well!” Kun smiled at him, looking as if really excited. “You can call me Kun-ge, then. I also know other chinese-americans, and from other parts of Asia, we try to stick together.” 

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Renjun wasn’t expecting that, but hearing there was someone from the same country as him filled him with joy. He almost wanted to start speaking chinese, happy to have someone to bring him closer to home.

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Sometimes, Renjun found himself being scared of being so used to things in Chicago that he would forget of his home country. He was always very fond of his culture and was quite proud of it, one of the main reasons he loved History for, and he was used to holding his head high whenever someone asked where he was from. The perspective of hanging out around Kun and other people from China made his heart happy at the thought of always being reminded of his home.

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__

They immediately engaged in talk about growing up in China, the TV shows they watched and the foods they liked to eat from their home country until they arrived in front of a classroom. 

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“So, here we are!” Kun handed Renjun his phone “Write your number there, I’ll text you and then, you can call me whenever you need anything!” He seemed really happy, and gentle, which made Renjun glad he met him. 

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“I will. Thank you, Kun-ge, see you around,” Kun waved at him and left, probably to help another freshman. The older boy was kind and sweet, Renjun looked forward to meeting him again.

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Renjun entered the classroom, which was only half full. He searched for a seat next to the windows, which showed the campus streets with students walking calmly or running around trying to get to their departments on time. It was a great view, a calming one. A teacher entered the classroom and Renjun could feel his heart beating faster with excitement. 

__

__

After an amazing opening class which only made Renjun sure that he had chosen the right major. 

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The teacher, a woman in her late thirties, was kind and she seemed as excited as the freshmen to start the semester. The bright look on her face and on the other students was one Renjun recognized, since he knew it was how he looked whenever he thought and spoke about his major, well, according to Jeno and Donghyuck. He felt eager to start learning, since the class was only an introduction. He even made small talk with some other students, looking forward to getting more in touch with them as the semester went by.

__

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He had agreed to meet Donghyuck and Jeno so that they could eat together. They didn't have any more specific opening events that day since the first week was meant for the students to learn more about the university and their majors. 

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Still with his head in the clouds, Renjun walked towards the university’s main cafeteria to meet the other two, and the place was quite crowded considering most students were trying to eat there. After a brief discussion on whether it was worth it, they decided to just stay on the line and wait to get their food since they were already there. 

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“Jeno, wasn't your roommate supposed to come with us?” Donghyuck asked while trying to catch a glimpse of the front part of the line to see if it would take long.

__

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“He was but I guess he decided to do something with the people from his major.” Jeno said as he typed something on his phone.

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“His loss for not enjoying the amazing company me and Renjun have to offer.” 

__

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“I’m sure he is better off wherever he is.” Jeno said just to annoy Donghyuck, who slapped the back of his neck and earned a laugh from Renjun. He enjoyed watching the way they bickered because he knew that's just how they showed their love towards each other. 

__

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“So, ignoring Jeno, how was your first day, Injunnie?” Donghyuck asked, turning his gaze towards Renjun.

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“I met someone from China! He is a senior and offered to help me whenever I need.” 

__

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“That's nice! I wish I had met an asian-american on my major as well, I feel left out.” Jeno said with a pout.

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“Don't worry, little Jeno, it's not a competition to collect them. It would be nice if we all could get together, though.” 

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“Actually, Kun-ge mentioned something about asian-americans sticking together so maybe there's like a small club or something?” Donghyuck eyes twinkled at that. Renjun could see why his friend loved meeting asian-americans. It made them feel closer to their culture.

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“You should text him asking about it! Maybe we could meet them some time soon and try to be a part of it, if they agree to it, I mean.” Jeno suggested, to which Donghyuck agreed with a nod. 

__

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“I will later on but, look, the line has moved, let's finally eat.” 

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After eating and exchanging some more first day experiences, including Renjun being overly excited about his major which made him gasp loudly during the introduction class, Donghyuck telling them about how he made many new friends despite it being only the first day and Jeno complaining about how people seemed to be really serious in his major, Renjun decided to part ways with Jeno and Donghyuck. The two wanted to visit some short film festivals exclusive for the first week. He wanted to visit the main campus library. 

__

__

The distance from the cafeteria to the library was short so he arrived there quite fast. He took a moment to look at the place, impressed by its beauty. On the outside, the building was quite similar to the others on campus. It was overwhelmingly big and its architecture resembled a castle. Students entered and left the front door fast while others, just like Renjun, stared in awe. 

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__

He entered the building and had to hold himself back to not let out a gasp. The ceiling of the building was high and made of glass, which allowed people to look at the blue sky of Chicago in September. The shelves were as high as the ceiling with loads of books and big black plaques next to the shelf that indicated the theme of the section. The library was also filled with long rectangular tables displayed in lines on the corridor that divided sections of shelves. Renjun could already see himself spending a lot of time inside this place.

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He decided to not go looking for any book that day, only sitting on a table and grabbing his notebook to draw. Ever since he had arrived, he hadn't had time to enjoy one of his favorite hobbies and now seemed like a good time.

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He started to draw some buildings he had seen when the chair in front of him made a noise. As he looked up, he recognized the pink haired boy from earlier. The boy seemed to recognize him as well, because he smiled as he sat in front of Renjun.

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“Hello again,  _ gwiyeomdoongi _ .” Once again, the unknown word, only he was too shy to ask the meaning, the guy’s smile growing bigger as he finished saying the last word. Although Renjun didn't know what it meant, the intonation used made him blush a little which seemed to please the other boy by the look on his eyes. It was a soft tone, sweet. 

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“Hi.” That was all Renjun managed to say with a low voice, trying to not meet the boy’s gaze and getting back to his drawing. Fortunately, he seemed to catch the tip and grabbed a book from his bag, opening it and starting to read. 

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Renjun tried his best to focus on his drawing but he could feel the pink haired boy’s gaze at him from time to time, and he stayed quiet until it was too unbearable. 

__

__

“Is something wrong?” He didn't know how he gathered the courage to ask but it was done. He didn’t have much time to feel ashamed by it since the other boy gave him an endearing gaze, seemingly interested by Renjun’s question.

__

__

“You’re just cute, that's all.” Renjun’s mouth immediately dropped a little and he felt his cheeks burning vigorously. How could someone be so blatantly flirty like this and not be even a little flustered? “You look even cuter flustered like this.” That big smile was back on the pink haired boy’s face and Renjun almost wanted to curse at him because of how beautiful he was. 

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However, before he could even say anything, his phone rang, which made people around him look at him angrily. He apologized quietly, and answered it as silently as he could.

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“Injun, where are you? Jeno and I are going to our dorm to watch anime.” Donghyuck said and Renjun heard Jeno trying to say hi in the back.

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“I’m on my way, don't start without me. Also, text me before calling.” 

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“Sure thing, honey. Don’t take too long!” Renjun was sure Donghyuck wouldn't start texting before calling. He had forgotten he wasn't alone until he met the pink haired boy gaze once again. 

__

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“Are you already leaving?” He asked and Renjun thought he could feel a bit of sadness in his voice, which he assumed was only his imagination. 

__

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“Yes, my friends are waiting for me.” Renjun answered as he grabbed his notebook, stuffed it back in his bag and stood up. 

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“I hope I see you around again soon,  _ wangjanim _ ,” He winked as he finished his sentence and Renjun almost ran away at that, realizing he had forgotten to ask for the boy’s name. 

__

__

— ☀ —

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__

The next day, Renjun once again left the dorm alone to go to Top of The Mug. Donghyuck wanted to go with him but he had to solve something in his department. As Renjun entered the coffee shop, he couldn’t help but look around for the boy from the day before. He hadn’t mentioned him to Donghyuck and Jeno yet. For an unknown reason, even to him, he wanted to keep the boy as a secret for now, specially since he didn’t know his name and he knew his friends would annoy him to ask for his number or something like that. 

__

__

However, he didn’t catch any sight of pink hair on the counter line or the tables. He felt a little something in his heart because of that but tried not to pay too much attention to it, rather focusing on ordering his drink.

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He left the shop and, this time, managed to walk calmly to his department, since he still had time before the welcoming events that day. While he answered to pictures his mom had sent him of books she had bought, he heard a tingling sound, just like bells. When he looked up, his heart did a little flip. 

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The pink haired boy circled Renjun as he drove his bike and played the little bell attached to it. 

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“Good morning,  _ aein _ !” He smiled at Renjun who almost didn’t find words to answer.

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“Good morning, pink haired stranger.” The boy seemed to realize just now they haven’t properly introduced each other despite running into each other more than once. He drove his bike slower next to Renjun.

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“I’m sorry for not introducing myself, I’m Na Jaemin.” Somehow, his name fit him very well.

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“I’m Huang Renjun.” Jaemin smiled and Renjun could only wonder what went through his head. ”Nice to meet you, Na Jaemin.” 

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“The pleasure is mine, Huang Renjun!” The intonation in Jaemin’s voice made Renjun’s cheeks burn again. He was sure every interaction he had with Jaemin would end up in him blushing - he wouldn’t deny he preferred that to saying something embarrassing. “So, what’s your major?”

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“History, what about yours?” Jaemin’s smile grew bigger, his eyes twinkling in excitement. 

__

__

“Mine is psychology! Our departments are right next to each other.” Renjun didn't know what to do with that information. It would be nice to run into Jaemin often but considering how awkward Renjun could be, especially next to pretty people, he was a little scared of what that closeness of departments would do to his heart. “I’ll accompany you on the way.”

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__

Renjun just smiled at that, not knowing what to answer, but it seemed to be enough for Jaemin, who looked pleased with himself.

__

__

They stopped in front of Renjun’s department and there was an awkward moment, where none of them seemed to know what to say or do. 

__

__

“So, I guess I’ll see you around?” Jaemin looked surprised as he heard Renjun’s voice. 

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“I’ll be looking forward to it,  _ aein _ .” He winked, waved goodbye and drove away with his bike. Renjun probably looked like a fool as he entered his department smiling to himself.

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It was only the second day but Renjun couldn’t be more sure he had chosen the right major. As he heard teachers and senior students talking about the classes they would have, the things they would learn, he felt his heart flutter in excitement. 

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__

Kun had texted him, agreeing to meet him on that day and making sure he knew every single spot in the building, the best places to study or to just relax and do something that wasn't related to college. They talked a lot about life in China, he could see Kun was as excited as him to have someone to remind him of home. Although Renjun was thankful for Donghyuck and Jeno, sometimes he felt left out whenever they brought up something about their korean childhood, even though they tried their best to include him. 

__

__

Since it still was the welcoming week that consisted mostly of introducing lectures and meeting teachers, Renjun didn’t have much to do at his department. As he waved Kun goodbye, he received a call from Jeno.

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__

“Injunnie, where are you?” He could hear Donghyuck’s voice at the back as well.

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“I just left my department, why?” 

__

__

“Donghyuck and I are heading to lunch, do you want to meet?” There was a shuffling noise in the back and some complaints from Jeno, then Donghyuck’s voice took over the call. “WE ARE FINALLY MEETING JENO’S ROOMMATE!” Renjun laughed while Jeno managed to get hold of his phone again. “Like Donghyuck just yelled, my roommate will join us today.”

__

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“That’s nice! I’m excited to meet him.” Truth was: Renjun was a little scared, just like he always was whenever he needed to meet new people. However, knowing that Donghyuck and Jeno would be there as well made him feel braver. “Where do I meet you?”

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“In front of the cafeteria. See you there!” Jeno hung up and Renjun proceeded to walk towards the cafeteria. He passed in front of the psychology building on his way, making him think of Jaemin and when he would be able to see him again. And, as soon as the thought crossed his mind, Renjun tried to make it go away. Why was he so caught up on someone he had met only a day ago? He plugged his earphones as he kept walking to the cafeteria, making sure his thoughts were filled with songs rather than a pink haired boy, Na Jaemin.

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About five minutes later, he was in front of the cafeteria waiting for Donghyuck and Jeno to show up, which didn’t take long. Soon, Donghyuck’s purple hair came into his view and he saw Jeno by his side. 

__

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“Hello, Injunnie!” Donghyuck said, excitedly. “Can you believe we are  _ finally  _ going to meet Jeno’s roommate?”

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__

“I still don’t know why he is so excited about this.” Jeno said. “Jaemin is just like us, probably a bit more normal though.” Renjun thought he had heard wrong first, his head went blank for a few seconds before he was able to say something. 

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“Is your roommate’s name Jaemin?” Jeno and Donghyuck looked puzzled at the question.

__

__

“Yes. Na Jaemin.” Jeno answered, slowly. “Why? Do you know him?” Renjun couldn’t even answer because he saw a flash of pink coming in their direction. Na Jaemin. Insane coffee order pink haired psychology major Jaemin. Jeno’s roommate. 

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Jaemin was looking at his phone as he approached. He drifted his eyes from his phone in their direction and when he met Renjun’s eyes, he smiled. Renjun wanted to hide under a rock. Why did Jaemin have to be Jeno’s roommate? Donghyuck would make so much fun of him if he became flustered and blushed during lunch. 

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“Hi, Jaemin! These are my friends, Donghyuck and Renjun. Guys, this is Jaemin.” Jeno introduced them and Donghyuck was quick to react.

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“It’s nice to  _ finally _ meet you, Jaemin!” He emphasized the finally, which resulted in a pinch on his arm from Jeno. 

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“I’m sorry for not being able to meet you sooner. I’m glad it happened though!” Jaemin averted his eyes from Jeno and Donghyuck, looking into Renjun’s eyes again. “Hello,  _ jagiya _ .” He said, winking and making Renjun blush almost instantly. Donghyuck and Jeno exchanged a confused look then proceeded to look at Renjun, Jaemin, back at Renjun and to each other again. 

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“Hi, Jaemin.” It was all Renjun managed to say. Jaemin probably thought he was an idiot considering in the few conversations they had, Renjun had made a fool of himself. However, if Jaemin thought so, he didn’t show it as he smiled at Renjun. They entered the cafeteria, got their food and sat at an empty table. Donghyuck and Jeno on one side, Jaemin and Renjun on the other. 

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“Jeno mentioned you are a psychology major, am I right?” Donghyuck broke the awkward silence that took over the table as they only sat and ate in silence. 

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“Yes!” Jaemin seemed very excited at the mention of his major. Renjun wondered if he looked like this whenever he talked about history. “What about you?” 

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“I’m a cinema and media studies major.” Donghyuck said proudly. 

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“It fits you.” Jaemin said, which made Donghyuck look even more proud of himself. 

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“Renjun’s a history major.” Jeno mentioned as he drank a little of his strawberry juice. 

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“I know.” Jaemin answered casually, while looking at Renjun’s direction for a second. The confusion took over Jeno and Donghyuck’s face again, but they were kind enough not to mention it.

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Since the moment they sat down, Renjun hadn’t said a word. He was too afraid of looking dumb or something like that. 

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The rest of their lunch was mostly silent. Sometimes Donghyuck asked Jaemin a few questions, to which he replied happily. The talk didn’t last much though, which Renjun thought was weird since Donghyuck usually talked a lot. As they finished, Donghyuck was quick to say:

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“Jeno and I are going to Top of the Mug to find a desert.” By the look on Jeno’s face, he had just found out about this plan as well. “See you two around?” Donghyuck was acting weird again. He always invited Renjun to come along with them and, in normal circumstances, he would probably invite Jaemin too. Before Renjun could even ask about it, Jaemin answered. 

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“It’s ok.” Then, he looked at Renjun. “Do you want to walk around campus,  _ jagiya _ ?” 

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“Yeah, sure.” They waved goodbye to Donghyuck and Jeno, turning to the other side. “Where do you want to go?” Renjun asked because he had no idea, since the exploring he had done with his friends the week before was mostly out of campus, he didn’t know many places there besides his department, his dorm and the cafeteria. 

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“I don’t know.” Jaemin grabbed his phone, typing something quickly. “It seems like there’s an art exposition in the art department, do you want to go there and see it?”

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“Sounds like a good idea,” Jaemin looked pleased with Renjun’s answer, as he showed him a wide smile. “Where is your bike?” Jaemin batted his eyelashes at Renjun, surprised. 

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“Oh.” He said. “I left it at the dorm before coming to meet you.” Renjun only hummed in response while they walked in silence. Sometimes, Renjun could feel Jaemin glancing at him and smiling, but he hadn't the courage to look back. 

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“Google Maps says it’s just around the corner.” Jaemin said suddenly. Indeed, as they turned left, he saw the art department. It had a different architecture from the rest of the buildings, modern but not too much, still fitting quite nicely next to the rest of the campus. 

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Jaemin held the door for Renjun to enter, to which he mumbled a quick “Thank you.”

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The modernity that didn’t show much on the outside, surely did leave an impression on the inside of the building. It was filled with colors, looking like a rainbow. There were many students walking around, Renjun couldn’t tell which of them belonged to the art department or were just visiting like him and Jaemin. 

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He was taken aback as he felt Jaemin’s hand in his. 

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“Come this way,  _ jagiya _ !” He followed Jaemin, not being able to pay attention to his surroundings any more as the only thing his head managed to register was the warmth of Jaemin’s hand on his. “It seems like the exposition is here.” Jaemin let go of Renjun’s hand as he opened a door that led them to a room full of paintings and some sculptures. Renjun wouldn’t say out loud but he already missed the warm feeling on his hand. 

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They looked around for a while, Renjun making some comment here and there about some painting technique that, by the look on Jaemin’s face, the other didn’t understand but just nodded in silence as he heard Renjun talk. 

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Renjun was looking at a painting that consisted of three different canvases that, next to each other, completed a striking scenery of a beach, when suddenly he heard the sound of a camera. As he looked to his right, he found Jaemin pointing his phone towards him. 

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“Smile, _ aegiya _ .” Jaemin said, taking another picture. 

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“What are you doing?” Renjun asked, approaching and trying to take a look at Jaemin’s phone, which was a failure as the boy quickly put the phone back in his pocket. 

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“Nothing, I’m just taking pictures of art.” As usually, he winked towards Renjun who already could feel his cheeks burning red. He just turned his back to Jaemin and kept looking at paintings, feeling Jaemin next to him, with that beautiful smile on his face. 

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After visiting the entire exposition, Jaemin suggested going to an ice cream shop near where they were. Unlike their previous walk, this one was filled with conversation, sharing stories about their childhood, their favorite things and laughter in-between talks. It was so easy to talk and be around Jaemin, Renjun felt like he was on the clouds.

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“You seemed to really appreciate looking at the paintings, are you a fan of art?” Jaemin asked, and by the look on his face he seemed really interested in knowing Renjun’s answer which made warmth spread through Renjun’s chest. 

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“I’ve always been interested in art, in every way it presents itself. I’m more of a visual art kind of guy though, I paint in my free time.” He noticed Jaemin’s smile growing bigger.

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“Well, I should’ve expected since there’s this saying about how you should keep art around art.” Renjun should be used to Jaemin’s comments by now considering that, since they met, he did not hold it back, but he couldn't help but feel flustered, which seemed to amuse Jaemin. 

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They arrived at the ice cream shop, which was quite similar in appearance to Top Of The Mug. It had bright colors all over and the walls were filled with drawings, probably made by kids, of ice creams and rainbows. The atmosphere of the place made Renjun feel like he was on some sort of fantasy land, which intensified whenever he looked at Jaemin and his pink hair, who looked like he just came out of a fairy tale. 

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After ordering, vanilla with chocolate chips for Jaemin and strawberry for Renjun, they sat at a table in the corner of the shop, one at each side. They ate in silence for a few minutes until Renjun decided to ask something out of curiosity. 

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“Jaemin, why did you choose to major in psychology?” Jaemin seemed a little surprised at the sudden question but not like he didn’t want to answer. 

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“My mom has depression.” Renjun must’ve made a really surprised face since he did not expect something like that but Jaemin kept talking, probably having received that reaction before. “She had some really bad moments because of it but then, she started therapy and it has helped her so much. Of course, she still has breakdowns sometimes but therapy did such a big change in her life. She was always a very loving person but after seeing a therapist that intensified even more. I want to be able to change someone’s life like the psychologist changed my mom’s life.” 

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Renjun didn’t even know how to answer. Jaemin really was a box full of surprises. 

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“But also, it adds up to the fact that my friends always told me I’m a great listener and that I’m good at giving advice so I thought that might be something to consider.” Renjun laughed at that, which seemed to please Jaemin. “However, I noticed it doesn’t have much to do with giving advice and things like that but I still feel really comfortable with everything it has to offer me and the introduction classes made me even more sure that I made the right decision.”

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“It’s a very beautiful reason, I most definitely wasn’t expecting that.” That was all Renjun managed to say after some time of processing Jaemin’s answer.

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“Don’t you think I look like someone who just wants to make people’s lives better?” Jaemin made a pouty face which just made Renjun laugh at him.

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“You know what I mean...” Renjun mumbled while eating more of his ice cream. They spoke a little more about Jaemin’s mom. According to Jaemin’s stories, she seemed like a really sweet person, just like Jaemin himself. Renjun looked forward to meeting her if he had the chance. 

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Although he paid attention to their conversation, Renjun couldn’t help but have separate thoughts, wondering about the deeper meanings of Jaemin’s actions. If one were to look at the pink haired boy, with all the bright smiles he offered to Renjun and to the world, they’d never imagine he probably had to struggle seeing his mom at her worst during her breakdowns. Renjun wanted to discover more about Jaemin. It was like grabbing a book to read and not being able to put it down because you wanted to know everything that hasn’t been uncovered yet.

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Upon finishing their ice creams, Renjun felt tired and decided it was probably better to go to his dorm, put on some pyjamas and probably watch random youtube videos while Donghyuck ranted about his day. However, he didn’t want to say goodbye to Jaemin just yet. Jaemin had this pull on him that made Renjun want to be around him and listen to him talk for hours. 

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“You seem tired.” Jaemin said while they walked around on campus with no destination in mind. “Don’t you want to go home?”

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“You probably think I’m some old person for being tired so early.” Jaemin just laughed at that, which made Renjun smile back. Making Jaemin laugh and feeling the warmth of his laughter was definitely one of his favorite things in Chicago up until now. “It’s just that experiencing new things like this every day with new people in a new city is very overwhelming, which makes me easily tired.”

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“You know you don’t have to explain yourself like this to me. I won’t be mad at you for being tired.” Jaemin answered. “I know we only met, like, yesterday, but I like spending time with you. Of course we don’t have to go crazy and visit every single place on campus just today. We have time to enjoy it little by little.” 

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“I’ll be looking forward to meeting every single spot on campus with you.” They smiled at each other. Jaemin suddenly changed ways, starting to walk towards their dorm building, making Renjun remember that they were living next to each other since Jaemin was Jeno’s roommate. 

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Their walk was quick and silent. Renjun’s mind wandered about how the universe must want to see him flustered a lot by not only making Jaemin’s department next to his but also making him be Jeno’s roommate and live in the same building as Renjun. Or maybe the universe just wanted to add even more color to Renjun’s life with Jaemin’s presence, the bright pink of his hair, the cotton candy blush of his cheeks, the sweet of the honey in his eyes and the rainbow fireworks that exploded inside of Renjun whenever Jaemin smiled. Renjun chose the first option. 

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They stopped in front of Renjun and Donghyuck’s dorm door, since Jaemin and Jeno’s dorm room was on the floor above it. They looked at each other, not really knowing how to say goodbye. 

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“See you around, I guess,” Renjun said, waving awkwardly. As he was about to open the door, Jaemin grabbed his wrist, making him turn around, and kissed his cheek. 

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“See you around,  _ yeobo _ .” Just as quickly as the kiss, Jaemin went up the stairs, leaving Renjun with red cheeks and not really knowing what to do.

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Finally managing to enter the dorm room, Renjun had not even said a thing when he was met with Donghyuck’s voice.

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“Why are you smiling like a fool?” Looking at his friend, Renjun noticed he must’ve arrived not long ago since he was still on the clothes from earlier.

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“I’m not smiling like a fool...” Renjun mumbled, looking for his pyjamas. He knew that wouldn’t convince Donghyuck but his friend probably noticed he was tired and decided not to dwell too much on the question, which Renjun was thankful for. 

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After changing, brushing his teeth and finally getting into bed, Renjun texted his mom, talked to Donghyuck about random things just like books they were reading, animes they were watching and, of course, about Donghyuck’s girl groups since he still held onto the mission of making Renjun stan them as well. Soon, he yawned and decided to call it a day. He bid Donghyuck goodnight but as soon as he laid on the bed, his mind wandered to a certain pink haired boy.

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— ☀ —

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The next day, Donghyuck left earlier saying he had promised Jeno to watch a lecture with him. Renjun agreed to meet them later on so that they could eat together, just like the previous days. He was just finishing getting ready when he heard a knock on his door. He supposed Donghyuck must’ve forgotten something but, as he opened the door, he wasn’t met with Donghyuck’s purple hair. 

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“Good morning,  _ jagi! _ ” Jaemin said, looking happy to see the surprise on Renjun’s face. 

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“Good morning, Jaemin.” They looked at each other for a few seconds until the embarrassment took over Renjun and made him avert his eyes from Jaemin’s. “What are you doing here?”

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“I supposed that since we are going to almost the same place, we could grab a coffee and go together...?” Jaemin said with a tone that Renjun could almost consider shy and nervous, although the pink haired boy was trying his best not to show it. 

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“Oh.” Renjun managed to say, his heart doing thousands of backflips. “I suppose that’s a good idea.” He smiled, which seemed to calm Jaemin and bring back his usual confidence. 

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Renjun didn’t quite understand why his heart kept insisting on doing weird things whenever Jaemin was around or why his palms were sweating more than usual. He tried to calm himself down, but the pink haired boy’s smile, his way of talking, his presence, were enough to make Renjun’s heart skip a beat. Sometimes, even while only thinking of Jaemin, his body would betray him and react as if he was on a rollercoaster, rushing with adrenaline. His mind tried to warn him, reminding himself of what that meant in books or movies, but Renjun didn’t have the energy to deal with that.

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“I’m just going to grab my things then we can go.” Renjun quickly grabbed his bag, making sure he hadn’t left anything behind. He locked his dorm and he and Jaemin made their way outside of the building. 

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“Did you give up on your bike?” Renjun asked midway through their walk to Top of The Mug, glancing at Jaemin who walked happily by his side. 

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“I think walking does me some good as well.” Jaemin answered and although Renjun didn’t believe that much in his answer, he decided to drop it for now. “What are your plans for today?”

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“A senior of mine is going to introduce me to some other seniors and I’m also going to visit a museum today.” Renjun said after thinking for a while. He felt anxious thinking about having to meet other seniors. Kun was a nice person, but what if the others weren’t like him? 

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“Is there a problem?” Jaemin asked, probably noticing Renjun didn’t sound as excited as he should be. 

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“It’s just...” Renjun sighed. “I’m not very good at meeting people.”

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“Well, if they don’t like you, the problem is clearly in them.” Jaemin said, winking at Renjun and managing to earn a small chuckle back. Being by Jaemin’s side made things easier, Renjun didn’t think much and just enjoyed the other’s presence. 

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As they ordered and resumed walking to their departments, Jaemin seemed really invested in making Renjun less nervous. He told him funny stories from different ages and moments of his life, making Renjun laugh like there was no tomorrow. As he heard about how once Jaemin slept during a class and woke up screaming due to a nightmare, and how he had forgotten his mother’s birthday the year before, being more surprised than her when they arrived home and all their family was there, he soon forgot all his anxious thoughts. 

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Soon, they arrived in front of Renjun’s department. Jaemin looked at him and seemed to think a little before grabbing Renjun’s wrist and soothing Renjun’s skin with his fingers. The feeling of Jaemin’s soft and warm hand made Renjun feel a rush of electricity that quickly became a comfortable sensation. Although that made Renjun’s heart beat faster and his mind spin a little, he was grateful Jaemin was there and he appreciated how the boy was trying his best to help him.

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“It’s going to be fine, they’ll love you.” Jaemin said calmly. Renjun only hummed in response, too nervous to say anything. He couldn't tell if it was about meeting new people or because he was very aware of Jaemin’s touch.

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They stayed like that for a while, the silence around them being comfortable. Renjun kept thinking that he could really get used to having Jaemin touching him like that. These were thoughts that, even though he tried his best to avoid, kept coming back, making his head a mess of feelings.

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Then, the moment was gone, and Jaemin’s fingers were gone, and the silence was gone. His heart, though, was still beating as fast as a hummingbird’s wings. Renjun realized soon enough he missed the warmth around his wrist. Jaemin smiled at him, brightly, reassuringly.

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“Well, I suppose you’re eating with Jeno and Donghyuck.” His voice was calm and patient, he looked at Renjun like he was a porcelain that needed to be held carefully, it felt like a comfortable embrace. That train of thought left Renjun wondering how it would feel if the soft feeling of Jaemin’s hand on his wrist expanded in the shape of a hug. “I guess I’ll meet you at lunch and then you can tell me how you made everyone fall head over heels for you.” Renjun laughed shyly, wondering how easily Jaemin made him jump between being nervous, embarrassed, happy, head over heels. “I should go now. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

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And, as quick as Renjun’s heart beat, Jaemin turned to walk towards his department.

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“Jaemin!” Renjun had no idea where the courage to call after Jaemin came from, and when the other boy looked back at him, waiting to hear what Renjun had to say, he inhaled deeply, giving Jaemin a small smile. “Thank you. Really! It...” He breathed in again, his fingers trembling slightly. “It means a lot.”

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“Anytime,  _ nae sarang. _ ” He winked and walked away, leaving Renjun once again with his heart acting like it was New Year and there were fireworks all over.

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Renjun wondered, for a few moments, what the universe had stored for him by bringing someone like Jaemin into his life. Whatever it was, he’d have to think about it later because he saw Kun coming in his direction. 

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— ☀ —

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this far! have fun on chapter 2~
> 
> [support and donate to the black lives matter movement](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WUJUAQs_vMDixJAWRMONwyvfdEcPvSFwX5_ExQhytDg/edit)


	2. la vie en rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After three weeks, Jaemin still used words Renjun did not know the meaning of. He guessed they were some sort of nickname in korean, but considering how much time had passed without either of them saying anything about it, Renjun felt too shy to ask. He couldn’t even search for them since he didn’t know how to write or pronounce them correctly. He felt like he should know the meaning already, especially after all this time, even more when he was surrounded by people who spoke korean fluently. 
> 
> So, just as he did the other times Jaemin said an unknown word, he smiled politely and swallowed his curiosity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to chapter 2!
> 
> this chapter was really fun to write so i hope you have the same fun while reading!
> 
> once again, thanks to my amazing writing partner & also to my wonderful beta reader, this fanfic would be nothing without the two of you!
> 
> tw: mentions of anxiety

And then, three weeks had passed since the start of the term. Renjun was starting to get more used to Chicago. At that point, Donghyuck, Jeno, Jaemin and him had already become close friends. They took Renjun to different museums, art galleries, coffee shops and every single attraction in Chicago someone could think of. Looking back on those memories as he laid in bed each night, he held them dearly in his heart, as well as his favorite places, just like the Chicago History Museum, in which his friends paid close attention to him and waited as he spent a long time staring at each artifact, or the numerous arcades they went, letting their competitive selves take over.

Renjun could even call  _ himself _ a Chicago guide.

However, it was noticeable that Renjun spent more time with Jaemin, he couldn’t deny it even if he wanted to. Donghyuck and Jeno usually had different schedules from Renjun and they could only see each other at the end of the day on the dorm or the weekends. As for Jaemin, he had classes at similar times and, for that reason, they ended up having their routine consist of walking to their departments together after getting coffee at Top of The Mug, having lunch together in-between classes and coming back to the dorms.

Spending all that time with the pink haired boy, now his hair a little faded to a somewhat peachy color, despite being only three weeks, made it seem like Renjun knew Jaemin for a lifetime. He knew Jaemin’s coffee order by heart, knew that he liked to make his notes in black and highlight things with a red pen, that he could not stand the smell of gasoline, that whenever he was excited about something, his smile grew bigger, his eyes closing up to half moons, and his whole face lighting up like the sunrise, and he got more talkative. He knew that although he was seemingly an extrovert, Jaemin was rather quiet and prefered to listen to people talk, which caused him and Renjun to fall in a comfortable silence often. Before Renjun was even aware, it was like Jaemin was a poem he could quote without even thinking twice. 

He found himself having a routine in Chicago, with Jaemin, with Donghyuck and Jeno, and spending some time alone, and he enjoyed it. College was quite overwhelming sometimes, with lots of assignments to do and essays to write (he spent hours complaining about it with Donghyuck), but Renjun wouldn’t change a thing. His love for his major grew each day, as he was in class or heard lectures from famous historians, he felt like he belonged, like he was where he was supposed to be.

Reading was also part of his routine. At the beginning of the term, one teacher had told him and the other students that they should get used to reading a lot. Renjun thought it wasn’t a problem considering the fact that ever since he was a child, he was an avid reader. However, reading fantasies like Percy Jackson and The Hunger Games were different from having to read ancient texts that weren’t easy to comprehend or articles with too many fancy words. 

But, even though he loved his major, and some texts he really enjoyed reading, at the end of the week all Renjun wanted was to go to his dorm and relax. So, whenever the week came to an end, Renjun didn’t want to read anything, not even a text message. He just wanted to ignore everything around him that was academic related and enjoy his time with his friends. 

Since now Donghyuck, Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun had gotten used to how things worked in college, they were more relaxed and could afford a day or so without freaking out about their assignments.

Being finally Friday, and everyone being able to take their minds off their studies, they had scheduled a game night. It all started when Donghyuck and Renjun, during a day where they had a free period at the same time, decided to explore even more of Chicago. They found themselves in a shop themed around board games in which they could either rent or buy games, which resulted in the game night plan. 

Renjun doodled on his notebook, waiting for his last class of the day to end. He usually paid attention until the last word the teacher spoke but, that day, he was just so tired he wanted to run away from the classroom. 

“Hey, Renjun,” Yangyang called. He was a Chinese student Kun had introduced him to, and he happened to share almost the same classes as Renjun so they became friends easily. Yangyang had a bright personality, one that matched well his big and excited smile, his honey-like hair and his mischievous jokes, which made Renjun laugh a lot whenever he was around. “The teacher already freed us, let’s go.”

Renjun was so lost in his thoughts about wanting to go home he hadn’t even noticed the teacher was already packing his things and heading out of the class. Renjun was quick to get his own bag and leave with Yangyang. 

“I know you said you have something with your friends today already but, if you are free on the weekend, maybe we could watch a movie or something?” Yangyang asked while Renjun texted Jaemin to let him know his class had ended.

“Yeah, sure,” Renjun answered without paying much attention and, therefore, not noticing how Yangyang’s shoulders dropped. “I’m heading to meet my friend now, text me later about this movie thing.” Renjun said, already walking away towards the psychology department to meet Jaemin. 

After a quick walk, he was already in front of the building and, not much longer after his arrival, he saw Jaemin’s pink hair coming out of the main entrance. When Jaemin’s eyes met Renjun’s, the pink haired boy’s face shined brightly as if he had just made an amazing discovery. If Renjun’s heart skipped a beat due to that, he pointedly decided to not pay much attention. 

“Hello!” Jaemin said, smiling. “How was your day,  _ aegiya _ ?” 

After three weeks, Jaemin still used words Renjun did not know the meaning of. He guessed they were some sort of nickname in korean, but considering how much time had passed without either of them saying anything about it, Renjun felt too shy to ask. He couldn’t even search for them since he didn’t know how to write or pronounce them correctly. He felt like he should know the meaning already, especially after all this time, even more when he was surrounded by people who spoke korean fluently. 

So, just as he did the other times Jaemin said an unknown word, he smiled politely and swallowed his curiosity.

“It was just the same as usual,” Renjun answered. “I think I was just a little more tired, that’s all.” Jaemin furrowed his brows a little, seeming to worry upon hearing Renjun’s answer.

“Did you sleep well tonight? Do you want me to tell Donghyuck and Jeno to reschedule the game night so that you can rest a little?” Jaemin asked in a worried tone, making Renjun chuckle.

Not thinking much about it, Renjun held one of Jaemin’s hand to give him some kind of reassurance. 

Ever since the time Jaemin had held Renjun’s wrist, they were more comfortable with touching. At first, that proximity was weird to Renjun, considering the way his heart raced every single time, but after getting used to it and realizing Jaemin was a touchy kind of person, it was easier. 

“It’s fine, Jaem.” He said, looking at Jaemin gently while rubbing his thumb against the other boy’s hand. “I really need to get my mind off college today and playing games with you and the boys will definitely help. I still have the entire weekend to rest.” Jaemin didn’t seem fully convinced with Renjun’s answer but he knew better than to argue about it. 

Their walk towards the dorm was mostly silent. However, Jaemin’s presence brought Renjun comfort and he felt like he didn’t need to work hard to maintain a conversation with him, so it was a calm kind of silence. Just being next to the other was already enough to make Renjun feel at peace. 

It was only when they arrived at the dorm that Renjun noticed he was still holding Jaemin’s hand. He blushed a little, letting go of Jaemin’s hand and looking for the room key in his bag. Opening it, he saw that Donghyuck and Jeno were already in there. Renjun and Jaemin were quick to leave their shoes next to the entry, excited to sit next to their friends and finally start their get together. 

The other two were quick to notice their presence. 

“So, our love birds are finally here!” Donghyuck said, making room for them to sit around the Uno cards that were placed on the floor.  _ Love birds.  _ It was not the first time Donghyuck said those words to refer to them, and Renjun felt his cheeks becoming slightly hot. “Hello, you two.”

“We didn’t even arrive late, you were the ones that arrived early.” Renjun murmured sitting down and unconsciously shifting closer to Jaemin.

“My last class ended earlier and Donghyuck’s class was cancelled.” Jeno quickly explained. 

“Oh, I almost forgot, I bought us some snacks,” Jaemin said, getting up to grab his backpack which he had put next to his shoes. Renjun instantly missed the warmth next to him. “I know we had agreed to order something but I thought it’d be nice to have things to eat while we don’t.”

“Jaemin, your mind, it amazes me.” Donghyuck said, jokingly. “So, let’s begin, shall we?” 

It was surreal how the four of them worked greatly together. Despite having this dynamic of a group for a very small period of time, it almost seemed like they all grew up together. They had the same sense of humor and shared the same interests. Their friendship was like a breath of fresh air. The game night went by quickly, they had ordered some Chinese food because Renjun missed it. It didn’t taste quite like home, like he hoped for, but still, they were finished before they could even blink an eye.

They were playing Monopoly when Renjun’s phone announced he had a new message. As soon as Renjun grabbed his phone, it didn’t take long for the others to get distracted with their own too. 

**yangyang:** renjun-ah, I was thinking about watching this animation that came out recently. are you free tomorrow?

**renjun:** yeah, sounds nice! what time do you want to go?

**yangyang:** maybe at 6pm or something? by then I’ll have finished my late assignments, I’ll keep you updated throughout the day. 

**renjun:** okay, see you tomorrow then~ 

He locked his phone and they all quickly returned their attention to the game. His thoughts about buying New York City on the board were interrupted by Donghyuck’s voice.

“So, who was it?” He asked, like it meant nothing, despite the tone of his voice, while throwing the dice on the board. 

Only he already knew Donghyuck’s voice tones and facial expressions, being able to read him like an open book. It was wiser to just tell him whatever he asked. 

“Oh, it was Yangyang, he’s also a History major.” Renjun answered, not giving much thought into it. “He invited me to the movies tomorrow.” Renjun noticed Donghyuck and Jeno averting their eyes to Jaemin with that answer, but he was too busy trying to buy the Pennsylvania Railroad to pay much attention. 

Donghyuck didn’t comment on the matter, which Renjun thought was weird, and they kept playing like nothing had happened. However, Renjun noticed how Jaemin had become quieter and how his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. Out of instinct, he held Jaemin’s hands, something that would last until the end of the night and, that, for some reason, made Jaemin look more at peace. 

And then, on Saturday, until the time Yangyang texted him saying he was waiting in front of the dorm, Renjun had heard nothing of Jaemin. No texts, no memes sent, no tagging in social media. He tried to not overthink it. Jaemin must have been tired from the week and turned off his phone to relax. 

But then, Jaemin could just finally be tired of Renjun. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. They all had gotten close so quickly, and he no longer could see his days without Jaemin. Just as easily as they had gotten close, Jaemin could realize Renjun wasn’t that interesting anymore, or fun, or anything at all. They could, just as easily as they got close, drift apart.

Renjun spent the day inside the dorm. Donghyuck had gone out after lunch to eat ice cream and invited Renjun but he just felt like staring at the ceiling. When Donghyuck returned, Renjun was still in their dorm. Renjun preferred to stay quiet, and Donghyuck probably could notice that, so they just stayed together and watched random Youtube videos. 

As always, Donghyuck helped Renjun find an outfit when Yangyang had texted him saying he would meet him in front of the dorm in half an hour. It was like he was Renjun’s stylist at this point. Sometimes, he felt like he might annoy Donghyuck asking his help every time but his friend made sure to let him know that he liked helping, especially when it came to fashion. 

He checked himself in the mirror and, as always, Donghyuck had done an amazing job. The black pants fit just right, alongside a light blue shirt. Renjun wasn’t about to fight the urge to check his phone once again to find zero notifications. He ignored the tug in his heart and left the dormroom. 

As he took the elevador, he felt slowly nervous about going out with Yanyang like this since, most times, they were surrounded by other friends. He didn’t dwell too much on these thoughts as the elevator doors opened and he saw Yangyang standing there, his back turned to where Renjun was. By the way he checked his phone and slightly moved side to side, Renjun could notice he was probably nervous as well. That made his heart calm down a little,  _ he wasn’t the only one, after all. _

“Hi, Yangyang!” He said as brightly as possible, trying to ease the atmosphere so the both of them could relax a bit more.

“You look nice, Injun,” Yangyang said, turning in surprise and giving Renjun a small smile. They stood there awkwardly for a second, avoiding each other’s eyes. Renjun fought the urge to check his phone once again. Yangyang coughed lightly before asking: “Should we order a taxi?”

“Actually,” He said. “I could maybe ask my driver to take us there to save us some time and money.” Yangyang looked surprised at the fact that Renjun had a driver but didn’t comment on it, which Renjun was grateful for.

The ride to the movies was quick, since Rob was nearby, and Yangyang insisted to pay for the movie tickets since Renjun had gotten them a nice and, most importantly, free drive to the theater, to which Renjun agreed only after convincing Yangyang that he would play for the food and drinks.

Renjun and Yangyang bought popcorn and some soda, sat together and chatted quietly waiting for the movie to start. Renjun himself loved animations, and he should be excited for this one. He  _ was  _ excited, because the movie was good, interesting, definitely a tear-jerker, and Yangyang was a nice company. Renjun had lots of fun because of him, the nervous feeling from earlier being long forgotten as he tried his best to hold back his loud laughs at some commentaries Yangyang made during the movie, which most times was a failure and earned mad glances from other people watching the movie, causing the both of them to laugh even more.

However, even though Yangyang had distracted him most of the time, Renjun’s mind couldn’t help but wander to Jaemin, constantly. He kept asking himself: what would Jaemin think and say about certain part of the movie? Would he want to go to the arcade next to the movie theater afterwards? Would they grab some ice cream while heading to the dorm together? Even thinking, deep,  _ deep _ down, if they would hold hands throughout the night. These thoughts were all summed into one: He wished he was with Jaemin. 

On his way to the dorm with Yangyang, he felt his phone vibrating on the pocket of his hoodie. His heart did a backflip and he couldn’t help but smile upon seeing it was a text from Jaemin. 

**jaem:** _ injunnie~ i missed you >:( _

**renjun:** i missed you too, jaem

**renjun:** where have you been all day?

**jaem:** _ i was tired, sorry for disappearing _

Renjun furrowed his brows. The thought of Jaemin being tired and in need of a break had crossed his mind throughout the day but had quickly vanished as he remembered other times where Jaemin was tired but still talked to Renjun, even getting to the point of asking if they could take breaks together. He wouldn’t just disappear like that.

Something was definitely off and, knowing that, Renjun felt his stomach dropping. His hands hovered above his phone’s keyboard as he wondered if he should try and get a real answer from Jaemin. He stopped himself thinking that Jaemin probably had his reasons. He could ask him about it some other time.

**renjun:** it’s fine, did you rest well?

**jaem:** _ yep! how was your day? _

“Renjun?” His attention drifted by Yangyang’s voice. Renjun had completely forgotten he was still in the other’s company. He blushed intensely at how impolite he had been, bluntly ignoring Yangyang to reply to Jaemin. “Did you hear what I say?” Renjun noticed they had already arrived in front of the dorm. 

“Oh, no. I’m sorry, I got distracted.” Renjun answered, embarrassed at himself for drifting away so quickly the moment Jaemin texted him.

“Yeah, I noticed.” Yangyang chuckled lightly. But, Renjun could see, his smile had faltered. Guilt bloomed inside of Renjun. “It’s okay. I was just saying I had fun today and, if you want, I’d look forward to going out with you again.” 

“I had a great time as well.” Renjun said. “It’d be nice to go out again!”

“Nice! You come up with the place next time.” Yangyang looked at him and Renjun could see the hopefulness in his eyes. “So, I’ll see you around?”

“Of course, yeah,” Yangyang didn’t stay in the campus facility, he shared an apartment with an architecture major that was 5 minutes away from their department. So, after this quick exchange of words, they stayed in silence while Yangyang called another taxi. 

After Yangyang’s departure, Renjun went straight to his room. He almost laid on the ground next to his and Donghyuck’s shoes but he forced himself to get to bed. Renjun still felt embarrassed for being distracted thinking of Jaemin, replying to the latter while still with Yangyang and worried, still wondering if Jaemin was really okay. He felt like hiding under his bed and never seeing the light of day again.

Donghyuck, who was probably watching something on his computer with his earphones on, just noticed his arrival when he laid on the bed. 

“Is everything okay?” He asked and Renjun could feel him staring sideways at him.

“Yeah, I guess.” Renjun only murmured in response, his eyes already closed, overthinking and exhaustion trying to get the best of him. 

“I just started watching ‘The Way He Looks’, want to join?” Renjun didn’t even bother answering, he just got up and sat next to Donghyuck, who didn’t ask questions. 

While watching the movie, Renjun questioned himself if that had been a good idea. His mind filled itself with thoughts. Seeing the main characters relationship building from friendship to romance made his heart clutch and he didn’t understand why. However, as the movie went by, he noticed how the two boys were always together, their smiles when they were next to each other, how they felt the need to be touching all the time. Even scenes where one of them was riding a bike. It all went back to him and Jaemin. That was the moment reality hit him. 

Ever since they first met, Jaemin had made his heart skip a beat. As days went by, they grew closer, Renjun could talk hours about Jaemin without even having to think before doing so. His mind wandered to how they would always sit next to each other and it never felt like it was close enough. How, sometimes, their hands were so close all Renjun wanted was to hold Jaemin’s, and the few times he had held it, it felt so good he never wanted to let it go, wanting the warmth of his touch to spread throughout his life. How his face lit up whenever Jaemin was mentioned in a conversation or how he smiled whenever the pink haired boy texted him. 

Renjun liked Jaemin. It was a simple, scary and undeniable realization. 

This moment of epiphany made Renjun hold his breath for what felt like the rest of the movie. What would he do? A state of panic creeped in slowly. There was no way Jaemin could ever like him back, they were just friends. He couldn’t tell Jaemin about his feelings. Although he knew Jaemin would probably be really nice despite rejecting him, a part of Renjun feared things would become awkward between them and they would drift apart eventually. However, how could he go on with their friendship the way it was when he was so aware of his own feelings? Feelings that, being acknowledged, seemed to grow and grow at each second. Knowing he could never keep this a secret for long, the only solution that came to his mind was to avoid Jaemin until his feelings were gone _ for good.  _

Ever since he was a kid, Renjun’s first reaction to things was to run away. Once, he broke one of his mother’s vases with her favorite flowers. It was the first time her mother had let him stay alone in their house while his father worked and she went to the market. Their housekeeper was on vacation but her mother said that, since Renjun was already 10 years old, he could probably handle being alone for a few hours. 

However, while running in the house with his little airplane toy, he had stumbled onto a pillow that fell on the ground and hit his hand on the vase that fell and shattered into tiny pieces. He felt the tears starting to well up in his eyes. He ran and hid underneath his bed for hours until the time his mother arrived home. She had entered his room and called his name softly. Renjun tried to stay silent but he let out a soft sob. His mother found him under the bed and he started to apologize, stumbling upon his words in-between sobs. Only when his mother assured him that it was fine, she could buy another vase and the flowers were okay, that Renjun managed to calm down. 

That run away instinct followed Renjun throughout his life. Especially when it came to his feelings. This time it wouldn’t be different. 

Avoiding Jaemin was easier said than done. The next day Renjun had to wake up earlier than usual to go to Top of The Mug and, when Jaemin texted him asking where he was, Renjun just said he had classes earlier that day. After his class ended, Jaemin texted him again saying he was in front of his department, waiting for him. As Renjun looked at the window, he confirmed the latter wasn’t lying. He lied to Jaemin saying he had already gone home since he was very tired. He ignored the clutch in his heart when he saw Jaemin’s shoulders drop through the window and his usual brightness leave his face. 

He almost felt like running outside and meeting Jaemin just to make the sun shine again with his smile, but he was diligent on the mission of forgetting his feelings. After all, it would only last for a little while. Once he no longer felt the way he did for Jaemin, he would be able to go back to normal, and they would be friends again. 

As days went by, Renjun noticed that Jaemin was aware of the fact that he was avoiding him. His usual messages stopped, he didn’t wait for Renjun in front of his department and it had been long since Renjun last heard the bells of Jaemin’s bike. 

Despite knowing it was for the best, Renjun missed Jaemin terribly. It was like a puzzle piece was missing from his jigsaw. Sometimes, he forgot that they weren’t talking and had to stop the urge to text Jaemin wherever he saw a cute animal he knew the other would talk about for hours or listened to a song he thought Jaemin would enjoy. One time, he came across a post of two cats intertwined and remember how Jaemin would always text him one of those and say it was them. He wouldn’t get one of those right now, not any text from Jaemin at all. 

Renjun knew he had brought that on himself, but couldn’t avoid being upset about it. 

He tried to keep his mind off things by focusing on his academic assignments or painting for hours. It worked until one afternoon when Donghyuck burst into their room, hurrying to take his shoes off and sitting in his bed, staring at Renjun as he painted on his sketchbook on the desk.

“So,” Donghyuck began. The moment he started talking, Renjun knew what he was going to ask. “why are you avoiding Jaemin? Jeno can’t handle him sulking anymore and I can’t take any more days of you just doing collage related stuff and painting.”

Renjun couldn’t grasp his mind on the words Jaemin and sulking being in the same phrase, it just didn’t seem right. His mind raced at the thought, his fingers trembling a little as, for a split second, he considered texting Jaemin just to make sure he was okay. He inhaled, trying to keep his focus on his conversation with Donghyuck. Jaemin wasn’t sulking. Jeno and Donghyuck were probably just exaggerating, right? Right.

“I’m not exactly avoiding him, I’ve just been busy.” Renjun tried to sound confident in his answer. However, he knew it wasn’t enough to convince his friend.

“Cut the crap, Injun,” Donghyuck took the sketchbook out of his hands and turned the desk chair so that Renjun faced him. “You two, ever since day one, have been attached to the hip. Now, all of a sudden, it’s like you are two complete strangers.”

At this, Renjun sighed. He knew it wouldn’t take long for Donghyuck and Jeno to notice that something had happened. He just hoped maybe they would ignore it and keep going with their lives. He was used to it, used to ignoring everything until it all went away. So why couldn't everyone else do the same?

“It’s for the best,” It was all Renjun managed to say.

“I don’t see how that can be for your best when the both of you look like lost puppies all the time.” Donghyuck sighed. “Look, Injun, I know relationships can be hard. But, you and Jaemin are such a nice couple! And, seriously, I’m sure with a proper, serious, heart to heart or, whatever you want to call it, conversation-”

“What?” Renjun interrupted, his voice cracking a little due to the shock. He could feel his brows furrowing in confusion.  _ Couple? _ The thought almost made him giggle sadly. He could only dream. “Jaemin and I aren’t a couple”

It was now Donghyuck’s time to be filled with questions. Renjun could almost see the gears working inside his head, which scared him a little. 

“Wait!” Donghyuck said after a few seconds just staring at Renjun. “Are you telling me that, all this time, you two were nothing but friends?”

The look on Donghyuck’s face and his question did nothing but confuse Renjun even more. He felt like he was missing something, like his judgment was clouded somehow. He didn’t like this feeling.

“Yes?” 

He couldn’t avoid how unsure he sounded, how unsure he felt. Renjun knew this wasn’t some sort of test. It was nothing but a genuine question from one of his closest friends. However, the urge to finally connect the dots and understand what was going on took over him.

“Renjun, this doesn’t make any sense!” Donghyuck stood up, pacing around the room while Renjun just watched him, still confused, a little startled. “How can you two be just friends when you spent all the time together, held hands whenever you could, were always giggling at each other, looked at each other like that and there’s even those cheesy nicknames Jaemin called you-”

“Cheesy nicknames? What are you talking about?” It was like Renjun’s mind was filled with knots at this point. He wondered if Donghyuck was having a fever dream of some kind. 

“The korean ones!” As Renjun just stared blankly at him, Donghyuck sat in front of him again, looking at him like he was trying to explain something to a child. “Are you telling me that you didn’t know what those meant? You just accepted them without even asking Jaemin their meaning or looking it up?” 

Renjun’s mouth opened and closed a few times but no words came out of them. In his mind, a rush of flashbacks came all at once: how Jaemin had called him random korean words sometimes and he just assumed they were nice and how he always forgot to look them up, not knowing how to write them on the search bar, and also never really building up the courage to ask.

“Renjun, for God’s sake,” Donghyuck finally said. “Tell me, why are you avoiding Jaemin?”

“I-” Renjun took a deep breath. He looked at Donghyuck who gave him a reassuring nod, encouraging him to speak. Renjun had thought a lot about what he was about to say but speaking it out loud was different. It made things more real, which was what Renjun tried to avoid by running away. But he knew that, if he wanted to bring back the clearness of his mind, he needed to open up to Donghyuck. With his heart pounding loudly in his chest, he gathered the courage to keep talking. “That day when we were watching that movie, I realized I like him. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by telling him but I also knew that having come to that realization would make things awkward still so the only option was to avoid him, you know?” Renjun said all this in a rush, looking at his hands and gesturing vaguely. 

“It’s not my place to talk about Jaemin’s feelings but I think you should really talk to him, Renjun.” Donghyuck said, holding his hand and caressing it softly. 

Renjun was glad Donghyuck didn’t make a fuss out of it, probably sensing how Renjun was freaking out about this whole situation. Donghyuck’s hands, unlike Jaemin’s, were cold but he managed to make Renjun feel wrapped inside a warm blanket. Renjun was happy he managed to find someone as amazing as Donghyuck and was even happier to be able to call him his friend, his best friend.

“I’ll think about it.” Their conversation ended like that since Donghyuck’s phone rang and he had to go out to solve something related to a project he was doing, leaving Renjun alone with his thoughts. 

He did, surprisingly, think about it. After Donghyuck left, Renjun laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He tried to sort his thoughts but it all came back to what Donghyuck had said about the nicknames. Renjun needed to know what they meant. He felt like that might be the answer to most of the questions that filled his mind at the moment. 

Renjun knew he had to talk to Jaemin and he assured Donghyuck that he would. However, he just couldn’t find the courage to. If Donghyuck was right and Jaemin felt something for him at some point, it was probably gone by now and Jaemin hated him for starting to avoid him out of nowhere. 

That train of thought made Renjun try to come up with a plan. Maybe if he did something nice for Jaemin, he would hate him less.

But still, Renjun had spent a few days trying to come up with the plan and how to make it perfect, while trying to dodge Donghyuck’s hurries to talk to Jaemin and keeping his assignments up to date. 

At last, while watching a random TV program Renjun came up with an idea.

One evening, after Donghyuck had already gone to sleep, Renjun turned on his phone flashlight and started working on his plan. 

The next morning, taking advantage of the fact that his classes were cancelled due to an inspection on his department, Renjun watched closely to see if his plan would work out.

He hoped it did. Renjun could feel his stomach backflipping and his heart beat fast. What if Donghyuck was wrong and Jaemin only thought of him as a friend? The insecurity he felt about finally telling Jaemin how he felt, only a short time after coming clean with his feelings by himself, made him want to hide and never come back.

He tried to fight the nervousness he felt by focusing solely on his plan and keeping the mindset that, above all, he didn’t want to avoid Jaemin anymore.

Things should start happening on Top of The Mug during the usual time Jaemin came in. Renjun sat in a table just behind a column which had a perfect view of the counter. He saw Jaemin entering the shop and noticed how dreadfully _quiet_ he looked, so different from usual, and maybe a little sad, just by the way he walked. Jaemin’s usual brightness was gone, leaving a grey that could compare to Jilin’s sky. His heart clutched and he hoped that things would work out. He was eager to see Jaemin’s usual bright self back. 

He saw Jaemin ordering the same thing as usual, and observed the confusion on his face when the attendant told him his order had already been paid. Renjun couldn’t help but smile. Jaemin waited for his coffee to be ready, brows still furrowed while standing next to the balcony. The attendant called his name and handed him a note, one Renjun already knew what said. 

_ “Dear Jaemin, _

_ Good morning, 亲爱的! I hope you enjoy your coffee today, despite being an insane order. I still remember the first time I saw you, how I thought you were crazy for consuming so much caffeine and wondered how someone could be so bubbly during the morning. Little did I know that your bright self would become such an essential part of my life. Thank you for being the brightest star in my night sky.  _

  1. _Unlike someone, I’ll explain that_ _亲爱的 means darling. Look forward to the next note in your classroom!_



_ With love,  _

_ Renjun.” _

The smile that appeared on Jaemin’s face was everything Renjun could’ve asked for. The pink haired boy looked around the shop, probably looking for Renjun, who had hid even more before the column next to his table. He saw Jaemin leaving to go to class and sighed in relief for not being seen. He had to run now to be able to keep up with his plan. 

He arrived sweating to the psychology department, happy to see that Jaemin had not arrived yet, probably still parking his bike. He rushed into the classroom he knew Jaemin would be in and placed a second note in the place Jaemin once told him it was his favorite. He rushed to the outside of the classroom, lucky to not bump into Jaemin on his way out, and got ready to watch from the window. But, minutes later, Renjun saw his entire plan about to go wrong.

He didn't know why but Jaemin had been late to class and another student sat on the table, tossing the note to the side and let it drop on the floor, which made someone grab it and throw it in the garbage. Renjun wanted to enter the class and grab the note and hand it to Jaemin himself. The thought had barely crossed his mind, and he already wanted to sulk into the floor, knowing that this was definitely not an option. Jaemin would probably hate him even more for making him look forward to something that simply wasn’t there. 

_It’s a minor inconvenience,_ Renjun thought, _I just have to make sure the next note is in its right place._ Renjun left the psychology department before Jaemin could make it to the class so he could avoid seeing the disappointment in his face, his heart still hurting a little for the failed step and his stomach dropping at the perspective of upsetting Jaemin even more..

Approaching the bicycle rack, it was easy to spot Jaemin’s bike: a light blue one, with the green bell above it and Jaemin’s white helmet tightly secured next to the seat. Renjun grabbed a little red ribbon and tied the note next to the bell and waited for a while since he knew, thanks to Jeno, that Jaemin would only have one class before having two free periods and then going to lunch. 

Soon, he saw Jaemin waving goodbye to some of his friends and heading to get his bike. Renjun hid behind a tree, hoping Jaemin wouldn’t see him. Jaemin quickly saw the note and grabbed it, opening it and without even reading its content, smiled brightly.

_ “Dear Jaemin, _

_ I hope you liked the previous notes,  _ _ 甜心! I must confess I’m kind embarrassed upon writing them but it’s worth it if they make you smile.  _

_ Did you know I’ve come to smile whenever I see a bike because it reminds me of you? Not only this, but lots of things as well. It’s insane how in such a little time you managed to be such a present part of my life. It’s easy for me to talk about you, to think about you. It’s like you are a song that is constantly playing in my head and I never get tired of it. _

_ PS.: 甜心 means sweetheart and I hope you know nobody is as sweet as you. Jaemin, you are the sweetest feeling I know. Your next note will be waiting in the library! _

_ With love,  _

_ Renjun.” _

Renjun didn’t know it was possible but Jaemin’s smile grew even bigger. He looked around, probably trying to see if Renjun was there and, after not finding anyone, just sighed, his smile still dancing around his lips, and prepared to hop on his bike. Before he could go to the library, some person from his department approached him and they started talking. Renjun took the chance to run to the library before Jaemin could get there. 

Renjun felt a rush of adrenaline inside of him as he ran, not only because of the sudden physical effort but because he was excited about his plan. Seeing Jaemin smile had ignited a fire inside of him, making him want everything to go as planned even more than before. He also couldn’t avoid thinking of how he wanted to make Jaemin happy like that often. He hoped that, if everything went well, he’d be able to do so.

However, as Renjun was on his way to the library, rain drops fell on his shoulder. In a matter of minutes, a whole storm started and Renjun knew that if he ran, he would probably fall and hurt himself so he resumed walking, while hoping Jaemin would walk instead of going to the library riding his bike due to the rain. 

Somehow, Renjun managed to arrive at the library. Only then, he noticed he was soaking wet and, therefore, the notes on his pockets were all wet as well. He cursed and entered the library, planning to ask for the librarian for a paper and a pen. The universe really wasn’t on his side since before he could even reach the library’s balcony, Jaemin entered the building. 

Luckily, Renjun had time to run and hide behind a bookshelf. He saw Jaemin walk carefully towards the table they usually shared. He exchanged a look with the librarian and sighed when the latter didn’t show signs of having some note for him. Jaemin finally sat on the table and he looked awkward like he didn’t know exactly what to do. Renjun felt his heart clutching at the sight of his plan crumbling like that right in front of him. 

Five excruciating minutes passed and Renjun saw Jaemin fiddle with his fingers and look around that entire time, having to resist the urge to go there and just apologize. As he was ready to do so, Jaemin grabbed his phone and his backpack and left. When the pink haired boy closed the door, Renjun felt like crying. 

He should’ve just went to Jaemin and told him that the rain destroyed his notes. Maybe he could’ve even said out loud what was written on the notes, but he was frozen in a corner. The thought of Jaemin possibly not being in his life anymore was almost too much to handle. Renjun couldn’t stop thinking that he should’ve prepared better. Holding back his tears, he concluded that, at least, he could keep up with the last part of his plan, which was actually the only one he knew for sure would go right. The only thing Jaemin had to do was arrive home. As for Renjun, he could only wait in his room. 

He tried to write essays, read articles, watch a movie but anxiety made him stare at his ceiling. Renjun’s mind was filled with images of Jaemin being sad, mad, disappointed at him. Renjun was disappointed with himself. He kept thinking in ways he could have avoided the wrong turn of events of that day, wondering whether he should be doing something to make things right and cursing at himself for making everything more complicated from the start, back when he realized what he felt for Jaemin. He fought the urge to spy on the door of Jaemin’s shared room with Jeno. After what it seemed like hours, he received a text.

**the lee jeno:** jaemin arrived home ;)

**the lee jeno:** you’re probably freaking out but things will be fine, injun-ah, don’t worry

Renjun couldn’t even reply. His mind was blank and the only thought he could process clearly was the note he wrote. 

_ “Dear Jaemin,  _

_ This is my last note to you. I hope you liked the previous ones and that you are less mad at me for disappearing these past few weeks. If you are willing to give me a chance to let me explain, I’ll be looking forward to a text from you. I’ll completely understand if you just want me gone from your life as well.  _

_ I hope the notes brought light to your heart, just like you do just by existing and being by my side. Your existence is made of stars, Jaemin. I’m lucky enough to be next to you and see you shining so brightly.  _

_ You know that I’m not a huge fan of poems but if I were to write one, it would be about you and how my heart dances to the sound of your laugh. _

_ P.S.: This letter doesn’t have a chinese nickname because I’m hoping to use one in person. _

_ With love,  _

_ Renjun.” _

The words in the letter repeated in his head for ages until he heard the notification sound coming off his phone. 

**jaem:** see you tomorrow in front of top of the mug

Renjun held his breath. Part of him wanted to celebrate the fact that Jaemin gave him a chance to explain himself but the paranoid part of his brain screamed at how he didn’t even mention the notes in his texts. Renjun took that as a sign of how he had to do his best somehow at their meeting. Renjun was worth it all.

That night, Renjun could barely sleep, his mind clouded with possible outcomes of his meeting with Jaemin, most of them being not so nice ones, and his heart beating so hard his entire body seemed to shake. 

Jaemin hadn’t especified the time they would be meeting but as Renjun woke up the next morning, he supposed it was the time they usually arrived at the shop together to get their drinks and walk together to their respective departments. He got ready carefully making sure he looked nice without trying even much. 

As he looked anxiously at his phone waiting for the right time to leave the dorm, Donghyuck, who had just been watching silently, said “Injun-ah, it’s only Jaemin. He’s literally head over heels for you. Just talk to him like you always do! It will work out.”

“How can you be so sure, Hyuck?” Renjun answered quietly. It wasn’t that Renjun didn’t trust Donghyuck, he really did. However, he couldn’t help but think that made Donghyuck got it all wrong. 

Besides, Renjun had managed to make things even more difficult by running away and, after that, coming up with a plan that went mostly wrong. It was like the universe was constantly playing pranks on him. He wasn’t sure he could look Jaemin in the eyes, talking to him was going to be even harder. Aside from the events that had happened, being aware of his feelings would definitely change the way he acted around Jaemin. He felt as if being punched in the stomach as the thoughts ran inside of his head.

“I’m always right, Injun-ah, I thought you’d know that by now.” Donghyuck smiled reassuringly. “Well, if you excuse me, I’ll be going back to sleep since I don’t have class until the afternoon. Text when Jaemin and you are being sappy towards each other.”

With that, Donghyuck turned around in his bed, leaving Renjun alone with his thoughts once again. He watched a few Youtube videos and texted his mom until it was time to leave.

During the walk towards Top of The Mug, Renjun tried to remain calm and focus on different things, like how the smell of grass was more prominent after the rain of the day before and how the wind was colder than usual. 

The moment the shop appeared in his sight, Renjun could also spot the pink haired boy. Jaemin looked pretty, as always, and calm as he used his phone. 

Renjun sighed briefly and walked towards Jaemin. 

_ He could do this. _

“Hi, Renjun-ah,” Jaemin said with a small smile. 

_ Maybe, Renjun couldn’t do this.  _

“Hi, Jaem.” He said shyly, feeling exactly how he felt when he first met Jaemin, his heart doing backflips, his mind running with thoughts but, in contrast, the time slowed down as he watched Jaemin, curious to know what went on inside of his head and urging to discover more about his universe, except this time he was well aware of the bubbly feeling on his stomach and what it meant. “Do you want to order before we sit down and… talk?”

As soon as Renjun spoke, he became self-aware of how robotic his voice sounded. He wondered if Jaemin would consider that a bad thing, maybe even coming close to thinking Renjun wasn’t planning to be truthful. What would he do if Jaemin confronted him about it? What if, after hearing what Renjun had to say, screamed at him or, even worse, just walked away? His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Jaemin’s voice, his tone gentle as always but lacking the usual sweetness and brightness.

“Sounds like a plan.” They entered the store and ordered in silence. Renjun didn’t even dare look at Jaemin. He texted Donghyuck asking if he would be willing to run away to some deserted island if everything went wrong to no response since his friend was probably still sleeping. 

The attendant called their names, announcing their orders were ready.

“Where should we sit?” Renjun asked quietly.

“I was thinking maybe we could sit outside on the grass instead of here.” Jaemin chuckled lightly seeing the confusion on Renjun’s face. “I know it’s cold and all but I brought a cloth so we can sit on it. I think we might avoid some eavesdropping as well.”

“Okay.” It was all Renjun managed to reply since Jaemin was already leaving the shop. They walked towards a big oak tree, which had an area without puddles. Jaemin spread the cloth, putting his backpack on it and sitting. 

“Aren’t you going to sit?” He asked, a side smile slowly appearing, after two minutes of Renjun just staring.

“Oh, okay.” He heard Jaemin chuckle a little. It was the second time that day and Renjun could feel his heart dancing like there was no tomorrow. They sat next to each other, awkwardly apart considering they used to be the clingiest duo towards each other. 

“So.” Jaemin said after a moment of awkward silence.

Renjun felt like a mess. His mind clouded with thoughts, making a loud noise that threatened to give him a huge headache. His whole body shook as he tried to come up with words to say, also trying his best to remember how to talk and breathe at all.

“First of all,” Renjun began. “I’m really sorry. I’m not… so good with feelings. I watched a movie with Donghyuck the other day and I guess my mind entered a sort of realization state?” Jaemin looked at him confused and Renjun felt even more nervous. “What I’m trying to say is,” He inhaled deeply. “what I feel for you goes beyond friendship. Oh my God, saying this out loud is scary.” He laughed awkwardly to which Jaemin responded by silently grabbing Renjun’s hand and caressing his skin, making his heart skip a beat.

Renjun didn’t know what Jaemin holding his hand like that meant and he couldn’t dwell deep enough in thoughts about it because he felt as if he was going to faint at any given moment. Saying his feelings out loud, especially to Jaemin, made him feel vulnerable. He wanted to hide in his mother’s arms and avoid the real world forever. 

But, he felt as if a huge weight had come out of his shoulders the moment he said it. The clutch in his heart giving space to a feeling of relief. They stayed silent for a few seconds. It was like they were the only ones that existed in the universe. Renjun’s mind could only process the feeling of Jaemin’s hand in his and how it made his heart feel calmer.

“Okay, this is nice and all but can you… please… say something?” Renjun finally said, avoiding looking Jaemin in the eyes afraid of seeing rejection in them. “Anything, actually.”

_ “Cutie,” _ Jaemin said, all of a sudden. This time, Renjun couldn’t help but look at him in confusion. “prince, sweetheart, darling, baby, honey.”

“Jaem, these are all really nice pet names but I have no idea why are you saying them all of a sudden.”

“I figured that since you told me the meaning of the chinese pet names you used on your letters, I should tell you the meaning of all the korean ones I used ever since we met.” Renjun could feel his mind racing at Jaemin’s words. So that’s what Donghyuck meant when he asked Renjun if he knew the meaning of the korean words. Renjun, with a mixture of shock and a bit of relief, letting out a breath he didn’t notice he was holding, looked at Jaemin, who smiled brightly. “Injun, I thought you were cute from the moment we met. After we started hanging out more, you filled my mind like a new favorite song. How could I not fall for some as pretty, smart, talented, kind as you? I just waited for you to notice.”

“Why-” Renjun said and inhaled. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared.” It was time for Jaemin to look away from Renjun’s eyes, glancing at their intertwined hands. “You never commented anything on the pet names and despite us being so clingy towards each other, you never took a further step. I know I probably put all the weight of a change in the status of the relationship on you but...I didn’t want to make you do anything you didn’t want to out of pity or something like that.”

“God,” Renjun let out a small chuckle. “we are so dumb.” Jaemin laughed as well at that.

“Yes, we are.” Jaemin hummed before continuing, fixing his gaze on Renjun’s eyes. “But I like the idea of us being dumb together.” Renjun felt as if his heart had just skipped thousands of beats upon seeing Jaemin smiling at him, his eyes shining with endearment.

“Mhm, me too.” It was all Renjun managed to say. He felt Jaemin slowly approaching their bodies. 

“Is it okay if I do something I’ve wanted to do for the longest time?” Jaemin asked, his voice sounding tiny and shy which was something Renjun didn't hear often when it came to the pink haired boy.

“It depends.” Jaemin seemed taken aback by that, so Renjun was quickly to continue. “But I’ll trust you.” 

Jaemin cupped Renjun’s cheek with one hand, smiling brightly as he did so. Renjun felt as if his heart went on a roller coaster. It was so easy for Jaemin to bring the sun out even on a foggy day. Jaemin was the sun. At least in Renjun’s life.

Renjun could feel Jaemin’s face getting closer to his, their noses almost touching and their breaths mixing together. 

“Injun-ah,” Jaemin whispered, which made Renjun hum in response. “you are also the sweetest feeling I know.” To that, Renjun couldn’t help but put his hand on Jaemin’s nape and finally close the space in between their lips.

The deadly drink Jaemin usually ordered tasted sweet as his lips made contact with Renjun’s. Jaemin’s hand caressed softly Renjun’s cheek and Renjun’s heart was melting, exploding, evaporating, all at once. He felt as if the universe had shaked, and shaked, and quaked, and finally settled down.

Maybe, just maybe, it was because his universe was filled with Jaemin all over.

As their lips parted a little, Renjun could feel Jaemin smile on his lips. 

“You somehow made caramel frappuccino even sweeter.” Jaemin said and both of them chuckled.

They stayed there, holding hands. Renjun, feeling a little embarrassed, had his eyes focused on the floor, on his sneakers, and the sky, and even a little dog running on the other side of the campus. The silence was soft, comfortable, and the smell of the rain still around them, now Jaemin’s fresh smell sparking up his senses as well. As much as he tried to act normal, look in Jaemin’s eyes, talk to him again, he felt too awkward, like the moment was too strange. 

He realized, as he felt his hand being softly clutched, kissing Jaemin was an entirely new experience. One that, despite making him feel like he could touch the skies if he’d stand on his tiptoes, made him slightly anxious and confused. It had been a while since he had last kissed someone, none of the times holding actual meaning, so kissing someone like Jaemin was so different he was still trying to understand, grasp the concept.

Renjun could still feel the sweet brush of Jaemin’s lips against his, the feeling of warmth still going through his entire body. He had no idea if he had done a good job, or even if Jaemin had, but he knew he wanted to do it again. He wanted to kiss Jaemin so much, and for so much longer, until he got used to it, until he understood exactly what he liked, and what Jaemin liked, and they’d slowly get to know each other in one more aspect of life, slowly getting so familiar with the feeling of their mouths it’d be almost instinctive. 

But, it was still too soon to do that, and they were in public, right after trying something new, their hearts - or, at least Renjun’s - still thumping hard, their minds still exploring the just uncovered sensations of each other. And Jaemin seemed to understand that, which made Renjun more grateful than anything. 

So, they were able to, slowly, go back to their usual rhythm, their hands clasped together as if they’d never be apart again, and that was all Renjun ever wanted. 

Jaemin was able to fill in the silence by telling Renjun, with his soft voice, about some project he had to do. It was insane to think about how his life had changed in so little time, everything sounding and feeling so common and dreamy at the same time. Feeling Jaemin’s hand on his, he felt like he could discover the secrets of the universe. Renjun wanted to explore their little universe as much as they could, and maybe, some day, they could daydream about travelling together as well, and, at the same time, stay as they were that moment: together. 

He was even kinda thankful his father had sent him all the way across the world. Still, when thinking about it, the day he came to Chicago felt like a billion years away.

Looking back to when his father had mentioned he would have to move to Chicago as the only way to study History, Renjun couldn’t even have imagined everything that would happen. Whenever he spoke to his mom, and sometimes to his dad, and talked about his major, he became even more sure he had made the right choice. Even on the days college added a weight on his shoulders he didn’t think he’d be able to bear, his love for History didn’t change a single bit.

He remembered being afraid of having to learn about being alone again but he was lucky enough to make amazing friends. Besides Donghyuck and Jeno, who he talked about anything, who helped him whenever he needed, whether it was college related, fashion wise or even times Renjun was lost on campus and made sure he created amazing memories and had fun the entire time, Renjun had Kun, who was like an older brother and took great care of Renjun, making his mom love him, Yangyang, who forgot all about that awkward movie session and became even closer to Jaemin after it, and even Rob, who became a reliable older figure Renjun knew would be there for him anytime.

On top of that, Na Jaemin. When Renjun first met him, he couldn’t imagine how important he’d become in his life. Renjun thought about the days he spent without Jaemin and how it felt as if the warmth and brightness he was getting so used to had left, leaving only cold and greyness. Jaemin made Renjun feel safe just by holding his hand and looking at him with endearment, he made Renjun laugh like there was no tomorrow, up to the point of Renjun having to ask him to stop due to his stomach hurting and tears coming out of his eyes. Above all, Jaemin made Renjun feel loved and cared for. It was like all the pieces of a puzzle had come together.

Maybe, Chicago would make quite a home. At least, while he fell more in love with his major and had his friends by his side. And, as long as he had Jaemin to hold his hand and to kiss him as sweetly as a caramel frappuccino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and, the end! 
> 
> thank you for reading this fanfic, as i mentioned previously, this is my first time writing a fanfic so i'm quite nervous and excited about this. 
> 
> i hope "your words turn into love songs" now holds a special place in your hearts as much as it does in mine~
> 
> [support and donate to the black lives matter movement](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WUJUAQs_vMDixJAWRMONwyvfdEcPvSFwX5_ExQhytDg/edit)


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